Emo post

Life is an empty, sucking void, swallowing all attempts at meaning and happiness.

Rewind.

I’m feeling a little down lately. I feel like I backslid at the gym over thanksgiving break, probably because I did. My diet still sucks.

Work has gone from too slow to too fast, with no increase in my sense of meaningful accomplishment. (My supervisor told me to to print multiple years’ 100+ page brochures to put in the evidentiary file to back up a claim that we gathered data from a source with features x, y, z.) I’m willing to bet my entire net worth (conveniently negative at the moment) that no one who has not heard of this bet will glance at even a third of those pages I printed out. Ever. That’s up there with printing out webpages so that they can see what the website used to look like. Archive the data, mother fuckers, check it out in a browser. If the power goes out, no one will care what the website looked like anyway.

I talked with someone from the center for neighborhood technology on tuesday evening. The opportunity would involve a major cut in pay and a major extension in hours. I might be up for one or the other. I am so not up to both. Yeah, I’d get paid to pursue my environmental interests, going to conferences, etc. But the price is to high, for whatever that is worth.

And on another front, I’ve been trying to encourage the organizers of green drinks to set up a system for getting people more substantively involved for months. We had a plan to make plans to meet up on sunday to discuss possibilites. They cancelled, and said that the organization wasn’t really ready for it. 6 years and they think their setup isn’t ready. Whatever.

Love life and social life in chicago still basically at square one. Weekdays I gots no time. Weekends I gots no plans. Bleh. At least I have gaming this weekend and a date tomorrow. With an MLS student. Hmmm… =)

Surrender to stability

Events on tuesday evening have led me to give up on pursuing the alternate position. I’m trying not to view it as a personal failure. But it still feels a bit like I’m giving up on a dream due to a lack of dedication and a lack of fiscal independence. It’s more complicated than that, though. Sadly, the details will have to wait, ‘cuz I have to go to work.

Quick braindump

Thanksgiving was good. And I have renewed inspiration to find a spanish class. I have found many potential gaming companions. I ordered fancy vegan shoes, but they’re too big, and now my question is whether to return them for a half size or a full size smaller. I got in to work early yesterday, but will not do so today. =)

I’ve been thinking about my eating, and my need to adjust it. Bigger breakfasts, more cooking at home. I need to learn to make a decent tofu scramble. But variety would also be nice.

I went from 6 days out of 8 making it to the gym to 0 out of 7. My excuses are lame and will not control the expansion of my waist.

Seems my dad is shipping off to Balad, not Kuwait. Little last minute surprise.

Midpoint (2/3 point, more like) work review was “We love you, though your writing is an area to work on.”

I’m having dangerous (to my budget) thoughts about a video iPod. I could watch TV on my commute, and thereby keep Heroes from cutting into my ffx time. Or something. More accurately, it would give me something more entertaining than sudoku to do on the ride. Reading is good too.

I now have leads on many gaming interested people. Mostly in the lincoln park/lakeview area. Further push in the direction of moving.

I travel too much.

Or, money ain’t time if all you got is money. (especially if you have as little money as I do. =)

Don’t get me wrong. It’s great seeing so much of this country, and this planet. But the fact that I have three free southwest flights coming to me, and no idea what I’ll spend them on is a little disconcerting. Yay for frequent flyer credit cards?

Continual Exit

I leave things alot. Too much, in fact.

I leave cities. I leave friends. I leave classes. I leave jobs. I leave apartments. When it comes time to fish or cut bait, I will reliably cut bait. It’s amazing that I’ve made it as far as I have considering. I maintain a belief, or perhaps an illusion of belief, that the perfect career/apartment/city/social network/lover/what-have-you is out there somewhere.

Some things I’ll have to grow into. That’s not to say that there aren’t better and worse options from the above. But committing time to something is more important than finding the perfect (or, more accurately, “potentially perfect”) one. Chewing my fingernails trying to figure out if I got the right one means my paradigm needs some work. But I can do the work. And I will.