Yeah, so I’ve been single since March 16, 2002, no news there. I’ve been gay.com and m4m4sex.com free for at least 8 or 9 months. Well, maybe not totally free, but I haven’t hooked up from either since then. And I’ve spent less than 10 hours total over the past 8 months on gay.com & m4m, so that’s an enormous drop. My mmorpg’ing picked up sharply at that time, but has since declined. My sex life abruptly dropped when I self-diagnosed warts, and I haven’t completely healed since the surgery. That’s bad, and atypical. I need to be taking better care of my butt. More fiber, more ointment, more advil, and more post-dump baths (not exactly practical at work).
But this combines to make for a much less eventful sex life for me. I’ve had maybe 6 partners since november. I’m sure most of my lj acquaintances think that’s pretty high. Consider that only one of those people have I slept with more than once, and with him, I believe it was twice. Maybe that’s still high for most, but not for me.
I’m content with this. I’ve had enough sex partners to last a lifetime really. I suspect I’ll have a few more and that’s cool too. But if I were to find someone suitable, even someone I’ve slept with before, and settle down with them for the remainder of my life, I could be cool with that.
I feel like I was a bit over the top with my drooling over the straight guys at the wedding. My friends are safe, I have established patterns with them, which include joking about buttsex with them, but which safely neutralize any attraction. However, with new people, the ruts are less well worn. And I feel the pull of neat-new-person attraction. And, being me, I don’t shut up about it. And soon, I’m that horny nerd who’ll never get any, because he can’t stop running his mouth about it. *shrug*. It’s a theory.
I’m picky, but also bad at selling myself. And usually, too eager-puppy with guys I am attracted to. *shrug* Another theory.
The reason I picked up so much on gay.com isn’t because I’m uberhot, or because I dazzled them with my wit, but because getting laid through gay.com is more a matter of patience and persistence (and it doesn’t take nearly so much as hetero dating does) than a matter of demonstrating personal worth. Not to say I don’t have a lot going for me, but to say that it wasn’t the bits of myself that I most like that got me laid, it was going to the right environment that got me laid. And being a bit out of character there.
I’ve criticized a number of guys for doing things online that they’d never do in person. Ignoring a hello, leaving a conversation without saying anything, jumping to the worst conclusions about anything anyone says. I did a little of all of that, but my most frequent deviation from real life behavior was my outgoing online nature. I’d say hello to strangers as they entered the room. I wouldn’t let one person’s rejection, no matter how brutal or passive aggressive, stop me from talking to someone else. It reminds me of the king of the hill episode where the kid meets his girlfriend at the shoe store. In person, I get one rejection and I curl up into a fetal ball. (Sometimes literally, but basically never immediately).
I would not hit on guy after guy in a bar until I found one willing to go home with me.
I’ve tried squeezing attraction out of affection, and it hasn’t worked. I’ve tried increasing volume of inductees, in hopes of finding a good one that’ll stick. That didn’t really work either and it certainly wasn’t worth the cost.
Current strategy is to build up a comfortable social circle and either see what comes of it, or see if my carefully built nest draws one in to start a mating dance. And even if the distant goal isn’t achieved, the proximate goal is well worth it.