Motherfucker!

I had posted a big, long soulful, angsty thing, and was just about to post it when I accidentally clicked on a link. So much for that. “oops”.

There’s no way I can summarize this. There’s no way I’m writing this again on less than 10 hours sleep since friday after a more than 11 hour shift of volunteer training and work today.

It won’t be the same post, and, in fact, since it’ll come after I get some sleep, it’ll probably be far more sensible. But, for the curious, I’m giving up gay.com (deleted the program), and cruising for sex and/or dates online. (will probably compensate with an increase in conscientious onanism) Not giving up on meeting or making friends online. Long story tomorrow. Good night.

When All Your Hopes are Ashes: More poetry corner

When all your hopes are ashes
Whose pyre you watched burn
When all your dreams are gone
Where is it that you turn?

Take up your book of matches
Give us all another urn
Expose the truth about the con
You can help others learn

When all your hopes are ashes
Whose pyre you watched burn
When all your dreams are gone
Where is it that you turn?

Dole out the bloody lashes
Give them what they earn
Yourself the role of Master don
Bring Order fierce and stern

When all your hopes are ashes
Whose pyre you watched burn
When all your dreams are gone
Where is it that you turn?

Keep all your broken wishes
Pretend to not discern
Think only of the lost anon
Never cease to yearn

When all your hopes are ashes
Whose pyre you watched burn
When all your dreams are gone
Where is it that you turn?

Survey your wounds and gashes
Old ways now overturn
Unveil your eyes to the dawn
Let true hope return

-Stephen C. Ulrich jr. (with assistance from rhymemaster, )

weird dream

Oh yeah, last night I had a really weird dream. It involved congress, parliamentary procedure, ousting bush, and me with neat Storm-like powers (without the tell-tale glowy-eye indicators of just who was doing it) providing a ‘Sign from God’. And only one person in the crowd realizing it was me. Hmmm. Should I analyze this or just document it?

How I deal with drama

Review

Had dinner with guy I’d never met before. Made out with guy after brief but tasty dinner made for me. Stopped progress before orgasm (much to my later pain). Lost cell phone while making out. Sent, to my mind, humorously phrased (definitely ambiguously phrased) message telling him I’d left something on his couch. He interpreted it as “see you soon” (a possibility I hadn’t considered). I apologized, phrased it more directly. He found it, and told me he was really tired that night, so I said I’d pick it up the next morning (today). I stayed up late, emailed him saying I probably wouldn’t catch him at home, slept, caught him on his way out the door, said I’d pick it up from him at his office at negotiated time. Called him up later and asked for a number from cell phone, for lunch plans, he gets huffy about me being on time (I suspect he thought ‘lunch plans? He’s going to be late again’). He’s very huffy and demanding about me picking it up at specific time (more specific than originally agreed upon range), and I agree to that time.

Recent Events

Oh and the cookies (and more)

Yeah, I baked oatmeal chocolate chip cookies again. They’re tasty, but I’m having an experience similar to the one I had with beer bread: First time I had it, it was great. Subsequent times just got less tasty/more disgusting each time, until I decided, ewww, no thank you.

I gave some to the guy who I was supposed to have lunch with (and instead shared beverage with) before reclaiming my cell phone.

No job hunt happiness today, but I feel relatively content for the week. I have plans for monday, and I can do more sculpting of those plans on saturday. This evening will be gay men’s health collective volunteer training followed by an evening out with Josh and Tom, after which I will be the DD back to mountainview.

Then saturday I warcraft, and resumecraft, and plancraft, then partay. Sunday, more gay men’s health volunteer training stuff.

I’m contemplating whether I really want to do the GMHC thing. I mean, I want to do it, yes. But if I do it, it seems that it’s training and volunteering schedules would effectively prevent me from doing either the information resource collective (mmmm, acronym overloading) or general medical volunteer foo for them. I’ll go in and see how I feel about the group. Since IRC training doesn’t start until oct 13th, it wouldn’t prevent me in the slightest from going to the street fairs over the next couple weeks as well. Hmmmmm. And the general medical wouldn’t start until January.

But,but,but fags! It’d also allow me to see a bathhouse from the inside, in a way such that I wouldn’t have my dick halfway down someone’s throat when I walked through the door (since the GMHC does outreach to SteamWorks). Enh, we’ll see. =)

Cell phone and cookies

I went over to this guy’s place for dinner wednesday evening, it was tasty. We made out afterwards on his couch. As I’m walking home it penetrates my haze of blue ball pain that I don’t have my cellphone on me. Doh! Left in his couch. Suck! Get home, send email. Intend to pick it up last night. Timing doesn’t work out. Stay up “discussing” politics and economics. Sleep through planned time to get it this morning. Miss two lunch dates planned for today. (Another “Whoops” in and of itself. =)

Woohoo, got number from guy whose place I left cell phone at. He was all “When are you going to be here? I have things to do, you need to be on time, blah, blah, blah”. Very intense about it all. Yes, you have a life, I understand that. You can say “I have things to do, if you don’t make it, I won’t be here.” Action -> consequence. Do not freak out on me. Do not tell me what I have to do. Do not expect to ever see me again if you’re going to take the attitude that I’m an errant 12yo. Chill, chummer.

Ugh.