When you live life by coming up with thousands of possible branches on your personal decision tree, planning the possibilities, as it were, one inevitably wonders what might have happened had you taken that other option here or there.
I was terribly unassertive in my high school and early college days. Towards the end of high school, I said once to my older sister that I was thinking of maybe taking my time about going to college. An extra year to do what I wasn’t quite certain. I think I was saying something about letting the financial aid offers roll in (Ha!). Liz was not much impressed by this plan, though I wasn’t convinced. And Mom talked to me within the following couple of days, assuring me of the urgency of not delaying on this one. How it would do anything but help me get financial aid, and how this was a crucial step in becoming a better, happier person. Of course, a year and a half later, I temporarily psuedo-dropped out. And when I got back in pushed myself through on sheer willpower over boredom. Trying to focus attention on academic topics of marginal interest to me, when personal issues seemed so much more relevant.
And it occurred to me that college played a major role in shaping the new me. Zephyr and graffiti, and geeks. Steve, and Josh, and much later, Mark. What if I had stayed in ohio for an extra year, waited on college. Developed my own independent identity first. What then? How different would I be?
And what if instead of going to the elitist private university, I’d gone to the populist, public university’s elitist honor’s college, and gotten a full ride out of the deal?
Those are the two big whatifs that caught my attention this evening. Would have made a big difference, I’m pretty sure. The me-that-never-was. How can one have wistful nostalgia for that which never happened?
Heavy stuff, man.
just like the alternate universe james hetfield, who is taco bell employee of the month!
Honestly, I wanted to take a year off before college. I just wasn’t mature enough to appreciate what is was going to do for me. I failed miserably at college, but it’s made me who I am. In fact, I make more than many college graduates, which makes me have an arrogant air about the whole thing.
I ended up buying a degree, and we’ll see just how far I can take it.
I took two years before college, but that was because I graduated at 16 and didn’t want to live in a faraway city without the benefits of being a legal adult.
Fears of Parents
You have to look at where we were brought up to understand why your parents push college so much. In our “old world” there was nothing to do without getting a degree first….it is your only hope of having a half-way fulfilling life in the city we were raised (in their eyes at least.) I am sure that your parents were afraid…just like mine were….that if you didn’t go to college right away you would never escape the mentality of our small little factory run hometown. I am sure they just wanted what their generation saw as best for us “children.” I think we all wonder what might have been if we had taken a year off. I know that I do…you will always have those “what ifs?” to think about in all situations…but you will never know the real truth as to what outcome would have been better.