Author: cheerfulchaotic

I was going to call the people at berkeley about the part time job this morning, but they beat me to the punch. Interview this afternoon. Yay! =)

“[redacted] is considering taking out a hit on your sister and family so we can
monopolize your time.”

It’s good to be loved.

I have hopeless crushes on a few medics. (No names or identifying features will be included.) This is probably because they constitute most of my gay social contact these days (with the possible exceptions of , , and ). Medics and trainees aren’t supposed to be getting it on, which is totally fine by me. The idea of sex frankly leaves me feeling a little bleh right now (maybe it’s something about working at an std clinic). And I totally feel like everyone I’m attracted to isn’t attracted to me (which always brings up the chicken and egg question). Or that the rapport thing just isn’t/doesn’t/wouldn’t happen.

Echoing ‘s earlier sentiment, I said that I could get off any time I really want to, but the holding myself in my own arms while I sleep just doesn’t work. Chris (I think, it might have been Daniel) thought that was pretty poetic. They be good people.

So, what I’m wanting these days involves rapport (which involves putting myself out there in a pretty major way), lots of physical affection, and sex being postponed.

Celibate over a month. And not all about changing that. So it goes.

Maintaining my swearing off of gay.com. And net cruising in general. Did recently put an ad out on planetout, so, maybe I’m not doing all that good, but I haven’t done anything about it, and I’ve recieved few replies, none appealing.

So where do I meet guys who think enough like me to provide much bandwidth, yet differently enough to keep it really interesting, look pretty, and are willing to wait? Oh yeah, I’d like an order of fries with malt vinegar, and no salt to go, in a purple bag. And a pony. BLEH!

More to the point, why do I meticulously avoid the things i want most? Why do I assume that people I like will have problems with touch until informed otherwise?

wheeeee

The whorehopping webpage lost my entry after I canceled an accidental print command. Brief summary of a summary: I had a really freaking eventful, socially active weekend, alongside clinic training stuff, and severe sleep deprivation. I am overall pleased with it. Though it involved a number of miscarriages of plans. And a rather pronounced annoyance to Abram (which I feel pretty guilty about).

Also made a few plans for the near future.

Work 40 hours on vision shit this upcoming week. So I can pay the bills.

See Leonid meteor shower for the last time that will possible during my lifetime. (thereby losing even more sleep).

Finish my paper for political economy from may. New topic: The relationship between various sorts of inequality and economic growth. Have useful references to get it started.

Apply to the Berkeley school for public policy again. Must dig deep in ass to find references.

Today I flubbed an informational interview with a sociology professor of relatively high standing within the department. I was disorganized and incoherent. I was polite, he was polite. His information was a step shy of uselessness. His view of sociology is that it is a purely descriptive science, with no application whatsoever. Talk about despair inducing.

Meanwhile, I’m almost half enjoying the work I’m doing with Rohan. It’s stupid math tricks, with someone whose company and ways of thinking of I enjoy. The work environment is open and flexible. And we spend a lot of time talking about intentional communities, plans for the future, group organization, social structure, etc. I can’t help but wonder what’s going to happen over the course of the next couple of years.

And it’s inherently temporary, it’s a contract that will last no more than another year or two at the outside. It can pay my bills and reduce my debt. It won’t make me rich. It won’t even allow me to completely eliminate my debt.

Smart people become deadbeats too. I could go that way. I’m intimately aware of that possibility. And very afraid of it. I’m just not sure where it is I want to go.

Flight 165 Leaving SFO Mon, Nov 25th at 10:45pm, arrive at PIT at 6:24am (Tue Nov 24th)
Flight 73 Leaving PIT Wed, Dec 4th at 9:15am, arrive at SFO at 11:40am

I’m ashamed I’m even doing this… again, even

Wow, my last 20 or so entries have been almost entirely a recitation of recent personal events. Want to get into more interesting ponderances. Though I think this is a reflection of my recent life more than a trend unique to my livejournal. This one will be no exception. But soon, slowing my life down soon. (yeah right)

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So, after the late night park picnic, I had phlebotomy training the following day. Mostly theory and a dry run (no stick). No uncapping of needles. It was good and important, but it built up alot of tension around the blood drawing process. There are important do’s and don’t’s involved, certainly. But I tend to have my emotions bouncing around on the inside, and that makes such processes all the more intense.

I got to research the history of phlebotomy (didn’t turn up much in 15 minutes, but hey, so it goes). After class was over, I deliberately stuck around to hang out with John, one of the longer running clinic people, and the trainer. We watched this show on PBS about the native american occupation of alcatraz. I thought it was pretty damn cool, though I was sad (if so very very far from surprised) about how the tale progressed. Afterwards I went home, fooled around for a bit.

pachooey & k8to, go & games

Full of unexpectedness.

Went to see Noam Chomsky movie thing with . It was kinda lame & pretty expensive. The man has a gigantic cult surrounding him, and I honestly feel a combination of pity and envy towards him because of it. I think the views articulated in this little film are a fairly reasonable synthesis. The claim is that a major portion of US foreign policy is exercised through the military, and violent intervention. And that we really don’t have any moral high ground when it comes to terrorism. I generally agree with that.

He also makes the point that this general system of interaction has been going on far longer than the United States has existed. Powerful nations fuck around with less powerful nations all the time. There were certainly incidents of the same nature before Alexander the Great, but he’s not a bad early-western-history example. Again, I agree. <shrug>

There were alot of little points to it. Nothing terribly earthshattering in what he said. I don’t think I want to join the cult, but he makes some good points.

went home, and I started home too. Then I saw a used bookstore (on telegraph, whodathunk?) and went in, decided to check out the sci-fi section and hear familiar voices. Turns out Dave and Ian from the clinic are one isle over (just got out of bowling for collumbine). Much chatting ensues, Russell shows up. We wander over to the clinic, by way of the post office. Russell goes to a party. Dave, Ian, and I take a little trip to pack & save, followed by an after-official hours jaunt at the marina, where we have a little picnic on the rocks and talk about all sorts of stuff. It was cool, and random. I was really nervous about being there after the park was officially closed, but no ill came of it. I’m so boundary conscious.

Free doctor for the warts gave me a prescription for (in essence) heavily dilute formaldahyde in an aqueous ointment to put on my lips. Uhhhh…. I’m not sure whether to not do it because of the toxic chemical angle or roll my eyes because of the homeopathy angle. Sweet heavens I need insurance. Liquid fucking nitrogen, people. Gimme a goddam cup of it, a q-tip, and a mirror. This is freaking annoying. It’s not rocket science, and I don’t want your snake oil.

And on the employment front… Half time job at berkeley (and half time means full benefits). I finally got called back about a resume drop, woohoo! Doesn’t look like bad work. PC tech monkey, minimal linux knowledge and a willingness to do trivial programming are all that it takes. Now I just have to find and assassinate the other 11 candidates mr hiring guy talked about.

Also, reserved a seat on a flight to pittsburgh for the holidays. Overall signed up for a longer trip than I’d originally planned on (late nov 25 – early dec 4). Going to visit parents for turkey day itself. Would love to see many friends while out there.

Um, whee.