Today I flubbed an informational interview with a sociology professor of relatively high standing within the department. I was disorganized and incoherent. I was polite, he was polite. His information was a step shy of uselessness. His view of sociology is that it is a purely descriptive science, with no application whatsoever. Talk about despair inducing.
Meanwhile, I’m almost half enjoying the work I’m doing with Rohan. It’s stupid math tricks, with someone whose company and ways of thinking of I enjoy. The work environment is open and flexible. And we spend a lot of time talking about intentional communities, plans for the future, group organization, social structure, etc. I can’t help but wonder what’s going to happen over the course of the next couple of years.
And it’s inherently temporary, it’s a contract that will last no more than another year or two at the outside. It can pay my bills and reduce my debt. It won’t make me rich. It won’t even allow me to completely eliminate my debt.
Smart people become deadbeats too. I could go that way. I’m intimately aware of that possibility. And very afraid of it. I’m just not sure where it is I want to go.
an academic derelict? that’s un-possible!
in all seriousness though, i totally feel you on the lack of direction thing. right now i can’t even figure out what kind of toothpaste i should buy let alone what i want to do with my life. i mean, my personality refuses to let me get away with not having a ten year plan. i am also blessed with this undeserved self-confidence that i will be successful and happy doing whatever i choose to do, but hell if i know what it is right now! in my experience, my ten year plan is such shit i don’t know why i have one. the one or two year plan is always good, but the ten year is not even close to what ends up happening. if it was i would be in med school studying to be an obstetrician-gynecologist. vaginas? me? ew. ew. ew. ew.