I have hopeless crushes on a few medics. (No names or identifying features will be included.) This is probably because they constitute most of my gay social contact these days (with the possible exceptions of
Echoing
So, what I’m wanting these days involves rapport (which involves putting myself out there in a pretty major way), lots of physical affection, and sex being postponed.
Celibate over a month. And not all about changing that. So it goes.
Maintaining my swearing off of gay.com. And net cruising in general. Did recently put an ad out on planetout, so, maybe I’m not doing all that good, but I haven’t done anything about it, and I’ve recieved few replies, none appealing.
So where do I meet guys who think enough like me to provide much bandwidth, yet differently enough to keep it really interesting, look pretty, and are willing to wait? Oh yeah, I’d like an order of fries with malt vinegar, and no salt to go, in a purple bag. And a pony. BLEH!
More to the point, why do I meticulously avoid the things i want most? Why do I assume that people I like will have problems with touch until informed otherwise?
wheeeee
Why do I assume that people I like will have problems with touch until informed otherwise?
Hello? I seem to rememeber meeting several years ago a very shy, but very nice freshman, giving him a hug, and there being a thing about his personal space being invaded….
may have something to do with it…. maybe.
going from either end of the spectrum is liable to get you into trouble at some point. Trying to keep *everyone* happy/comfortable is not possible. Some people are uncomfortable regardless of what is going on. just cause they are.
stop perseverating.
You’re partially completely correct. The thing about me and the boundaries, and the really not wanting to cross anyone else’s. And, for the record, from a ‘now’ perspective, I was not being reasonable, which still doesn’t amount to comfort from a ‘then’ perspective. I am a touchy feely guy, I’m just prone to giving myself guilt over consent issues. For instance, I really, really don’t want to practice drawing on a particular one of my fellow medic trainees, who will say ‘yes’ out loud, but who seems really uncomfortable with it.
Hmmm, being comfortable is not so much a “reason” based thing. Anyway.
I’m pretty sure I’m not perseverating. Just whining in a form too general to turn into specific identifiable parties. I was actually having a conversation last night with Patrick (), Aaron and Simon about how people seem to have different body language stuff going on out here, that makes it harder for me to get what’s going on in their head. It makes it more frustrating to figure out whether or not misc.other.party is indicating attraction or simple friendliness.
I don’t understand. You seem to think your desires are unusual?
i think the issue is that you have been exposed to the gay dating scene for too long. let’s go back to the stupid (read “heterosexual”) way of doing things for a quaint little change. for a while all my first dates were ending in sex and no second date (Q: what do gay men do on a second date? A: date? what second date?). however, in the stupid way of doing things, usually someone (generally the male) has to try really hard to get sex (from the female — now in your case, unfortunately, you will have to play the role of female in my scenario, which is in no way an assumption of how things should work behind close doors). anyway, getting this sex usually takes a while. along the way, there is plenty of time to get to know each other, build up a rapport, cuddle, etc. there is even a set of “bases” that the male has to go through before he gets sex (like kissing leads to petting leads to sex — think of it as foreplay that lasts a couple of months). i think these “bases” relates to some silly analogy between sex and sports. i fail to see no connection: sex is fun and sports are not.
just an idea. honestly, i tried this method and it failed, the guy i tried it on didn’t want to wait. instead i just found someone better, hooked up on night number one, then built a relationship (and a damn good one!) off sex. but who knows? maybe it could work for you …
heh, you know what? that’s sounds really bitter and actually kind of mean. sorry about that … funny how being in lab and not getting data alters, if only temporarily, your outlook on life. i think what i meant to say was that you are probably going about things correctly, you just need to find the right guy. note that the going to clubs and bars is not the ticket: if they are talking to you in a club they are looking for sex, not an invite to cuddle on the couch while watching a romantic comedy.
again, sorry about my bitterness spilling over into your livejournal!
It’s a drop in the bucket of my bitterness, worry not. Also, bars do not work for me, like at all, ever. And I wouldn’t say ‘mean’ so much as “deeply critical of the ‘gay community'”, and I’m not sure that’s a bad thing to be.
How are you and Matt on board games, and do you have anything going on tomorrow evening?
I generally loose board games, but have a hell of a time doing it. I had a blast the last time I played Monopoly and mortgaged myself into doing the christmas shopping with my sister (getting to go shopping may have had something to do with that).
Tomorrow night is free after I’m done teaching (class ends at 6 and I’d be home at 7pm normally). Matt says he has homework due Thursday morning in Genetics. He may have to stay home.
attraction and touch…
And I totally feel like everyone I’m attracted to isn’t attracted to me (which always brings up the chicken and egg question).
ah, the beauty of the cycle… we pine over those who will not return our affections, yet, do we take note of those whose affections we ourselves do not return…? whence/whither the balance?
More to the point, why do I meticulously avoid the things i want most? Why do I assume that people I like will have problems with touch until informed otherwise?
more than likely because most contemporary societal mores have shaped interaction such that physicality/touch is still relatively charged…
more than likely because there *are* people out there who will react negatively to any phsyicality/touch, whether the majority or not, and it’s easier/safer to allow any Other to give assent, rather than overstep any bounds.
So where do I meet guys who think enough like me to provide much bandwidth, yet differently enough to keep it really interesting, look pretty, and are willing to wait? Oh yeah, I’d like an order of fries with malt vinegar, and no salt to go, in a purple bag. And a pony. BLEH!
Indeed.
Sadly, I think the inherent problem is the “Boys Are Dumb” principle. (No offense).
I heartily agree with the Boys-Are-Dumb principle. Lately it seems that it’s been the Boys-Are-Dumb-And-Dumber phenomenon for me. I mean, how can you be dating if you haven’t had a date, and so forth? It’s like I’m questioning whether gay dating really exists, it’s been so long for me. Is there some incantation, mantra, (or even regurgitation) I don’t know of which I should, and should be practicing daily, hourly, or even minutely? Or do I need to sing the “It’s a small world” song a few more hundre d thousand times so that’s it’s small enough to meet a boy? Iwan ko!B