Taking six years to graduate, while taking classes at an achingly slow pace, and doing progressively worse in them, made me wonder. Bouncing over the U.S. with no apparent rhyme or reason, trying out jobs the way some people try out brands of deodorant, and piling up mounds of credit card debt, also had me suspecting there’s something wrong with me. What’s “wrong” with me is that I’m still building my sense of self. I got a late start, and while there’s some suckage involved, that just part of the game. And I intend to walk away with a sense of the rules, as winning is irrelevant. =)
I came to the realization that my notion of “experimenting with commitment” was rather naive. I’ve found that a good commitment is an expression of something that is clearly known. While an experiment is all about getting to know something better. They’re fundamentally different modes. Commitment will come if and when I’m ready for it.
Assuming that I’m not to blame for anything in particular that could possibly be my fault is mindset I might wish to cultivate.
I was a little younger than most of my class. This made me particularly sensitive about what I accomplished when. I felt good about graduating early, as if graduating at 20 made me special. That was B.S. (heh) of course — I certainly hadn’t milked my education enough.
Now I see people younger than me who are well on their way to getting PhD’s while I’ve been stuck in the working-in-the-corporate-world time warp.
Then I realize how young we all are. A couple of extra years get completely absorbed. The people who seemed ancient as seniors when I was a freshman are in my age group now. The timeline you’re talking about is a very rough guideline.
I’m all for experimentation and discovery. Figure out what you want and do it at your own pace. Grades are highly inaccurate gauges of intelligence and predictors of the future where you’re concerned, too — they simply reflect your current priorities.
He who dies with the most toys certainly does not win. “Your last check should be to your funeral home, and it should bounce” said my grandpa before he passed. I also like “the happiest man is he who is occupied with the most interesting thoughts”.