What I am about to say should not be taken as criticism by any of the excellent hosts who have had me over, all of whom have lj’s, only one of whose journals I never read (don’t know her id), and, I suspect only one of whom never reads my journal. That having been said, I really haven’t enjoyed myself at the past 4 parties to which I’ve been. Drinking, food I would never eat in any other context, making out (at all but one party), nudity (only at two parties), and other recreation substances (only at one party). Each of these left me feeling a little more sad and out of place, and less wanting to be there. Potluck vegetarian dinner parties and gaming parties are way more my speed. So, I spent much time thinking about it all.
I’m used to attributing my lack of enjoyment of parties to a lack of social skills, and I often feel that I’m not interacting well with others. Shannon, a registered extrovert, pretty much shot down my claims of social awkwardness. Forced to drop the answer I came up with at age 12 and actually think, I came to the conclusion that it’s because I am not interested by topics that they care about and vice-versa. Introversion is something else, a preference for navel gazing over communication. Dealing in the interior world, rather than the exterior one. Shyness is also a separate issue to my mind. That’s just insecurity/embarrasment based social hesitation. A high entry cost for interaction, as it were.
I am not especially shy. Nor do I consider myself terribly socially inept these days. I was definitely both in my first year or two at cmu. I hadn’t had much opportunity to interact with peers in a healthy fashion prior to that, so I had alot of catching up to do. But I threw myself into it, to the point where I got my first D since music class in 8th grade. I am somewhat introverted, but I do not think I’m am all that unusually so. I am often sad at the apparent lack of people I share interests with. This is probably why Josh returning to omnivorism left me with a small nameless ennui. It was a loss of common experience with someone close to me.
I am left with the thought that
I know you’re out there somewhere…
“Inappropriately contextualized?”
I like it! (I have always loved spupeh’s way with words!)
I think we nomads experience this phenomenon especially. When we uproot and land in a different part of the world, we are faced with new people, new places, new local culture, and new ways of doing things. It can be terribly frustrating at times. Sometimes we’re lucky and our environment adjusts to us. Other times we find ourselves having to adjust to our environment.
At the same time, though, it’s important to keep in mind that there are lots of different people out there even in the same locale. If we can’t find our niche in one spot, we’ve gotta excuse ourselves and go hunt for a more fitting crowd to hang out with. Eh? =:-)
Re: I know you’re out there somewhere…
Chris has an absolutely stunning way with words. I only wish he were still using lj, that I might continue to read his writing.
Re: I know you’re out there somewhere…
And the other part…
Yeah, it’s so very true. I’ve bounced around alot searching for a place to fit in, but I think sometimes an appropriate context is something one grows into.
Let me just say that you’re certainly not alone in finding little appeal in those types of parties. I also refuse to believe that this trait makes me inherently antisocial or unfun. I get much more out of hanging out with good friends and playing games.
Of course, I do tend to meet new people less frequently this way.
I identify with your feelings here. I think a bit of it is a high school relic that assigns vertical evaluations of “coolness” on a particular crowd, scene, etc. I find it much more satisfying to gather my geek harem for gaming and relish in how a “cooler” person would be as out of place there as I am at a naked drunk party. To some degree it’s about being comfortable with/proud of the identity you choose for yourself.
Hi Stevie!
Regarding throwing yourself into learning people skills at CMU: I did the same thing and now I think I’ve probably gone a little bit to the opposite extreme. Moderation is coming, though.
Parties that include massive amounts of hedonism are a bore for me too, especially once people start getting naked. I usually leave WAY before it comes to that point. Usually, if it’s going to be like that, you can tell which way the wind is blowing way in advance. I much prefer chatty parties, with good food and light drinking just to lubricate the wheels to social interaction. Nothing spoils my evening like someone throwing up on me.
I think you’ll find a good “context” eventually. *hugs*