Is it wisdom or simply apathy when someone you have no interest in getting to know denounces you via email for his interpretation of your expression of disinterest, and you just let it slide?
This is not the part of CA I was hoping to adopt. Though, in truth, I’m happier with this than the agonizing over similar situations I did in less ‘target rich’ environments. I’d feel a little slimy for that, but I guess I just really don’t care.
Less with the self hating, more with the vaguely sad, maybe it is a good thing over all. I feel sorry for the kid, but pity is a terrible foundation for a friendship, let alone a relationship. I hope he finds happiness in his way, and far away from me.
Direct from the net dating really sucks. Even the cool guys I’ve met that way have mostly had serious complications (too damn busy, oh-did-I-forget-to-mention-my-wife/partner, not-so-much-out-of-the-closet, etc). How to meet more people in environments I feel comfortable in? Or at least, what environments can I meet people I’d like, and not feel horribly out of place in?
Point to ponder.
Is it wisdom or simply apathy when someone you have no interest in getting to know denounces you via email for his interpretation of your expression of disinterest, and you just let it slide?
Well it can be both. Or it can be either. Or it can be any number of other things. only you can really answer that. Personally I’d say it’s the more mature and adult way to handle the situation. Any response is simply adding fuel to a fire. If you reply then it becomes a way of getting attention – and someone who is willing to flame you for not being interested could very well take negative feedback or no feedback. *shrug* Either way I don’t really think it’s bad that you are letting it slide.
i think it’s widsom, far and away. and you deserve acknowledgement for recognizing that honesty is the best policy, and that pity is one of the worst reasons for continuing a friendship or relationship.
in my experience, people met from the internet are rarely good candidates for friend/relationships, for the reasons you mentioned, plus a seemingly higher frequency of mental/emotional issues. where, then, to meet people in the real world? nightclubs are usually no good, since they’re dark and loud and sex-focused. coffeeshops, perhaps. bookstores? (and by that i mean real bookstores, not porn shops.) organized social events? work? chance meetings on the street? that’s probably the second most difficult thing about being non-hetero: noticing and meeting other non-heteros.
Net dating is really a tricky issue. I think it’s a valid resource considering that the internet is pretty mainstream now and populated with a reasonable number of well-adjusted people. We tell ourselves that a successful connection will require a person who shares interests with us, which is true to some degree, but it’s amazing how you can be totally engaged intellectually with someone, then you meet them in person and that romantic spark just isn’t there. It’s not a bad thing really, but there is a lot you can’t know about someone until you meet them in person, which is why I try to get that out of the way ASAP, which scares a lot of people away it seems…
The guy I’m seeing now was promising because we had so much in common and “looked good on paper”–and none of that was false. I like him and he’s fun, but after meeting in person, I knew right away that our connection was going to be limited. Undefinable energy, I suppose.
How to meet more people in environments I feel comfortable in? Or at least, what environments can I meet people I’d like, and not feel horribly out of place in?
Wish that was an easy answer, or at the very least, point to ponder. The net has been the place where I’ve met most guys from, and have only dated guys from. Perhaps I’m just too scared to walk up to some cute guy, because I’m afraid of rejection in person, or would at least would like the intellectual connection first because that’s what gives me a ray of hope that we’ll have additional commonalities etc etc. (Admittedly, it is easier online in that sometimes, you don’t even know — or care for that matter — of someone virtually saying “no” to you.) Well, back to more contemplation …
I simply have to get one of my housemates (okay, so, actually, my one roommate) to invite you to a party full of gay men…
Tad says a lot of his coworkers at apple are gay.
Problem solved. You should go to parties at Apple.
Quickly, before Tad moves to San Diego and pursues his dream of becoming an experimental noise artist.