Neglect and finite attention spans

Score for today, 3

Applications dropped off at Whole Foods, Radio Shack, and Barnes & Noble. I also checked the aforementioned local non profit, but nobody useful was there, so I’ll be dropping by later, as in on wednesday. Plans for tomorrow include a trip over to SF. Will see what I can get out of UCSF temp pool, also want to talk w/adecco about the office experience requirement. And look at all the bike messenger stuff over there (thanks for the idea, ).

Today was pretty useless on the job hunt. I don’t like filling out applications with the same damn information 20 times. I asked what I should do about followup at each place. Whole Foods and Barnes and Noble essentially responded with “Don’t”, while Radio Shack said “sounds like a good idea to me.”

Also went out to lunch with a cool, self-described ‘conservative evangelical christian’. (who broadcasts a dick pic of himself online. He admits to being a maverick 😉 And he’s actually pretty cool, in addition to being kinda cute.

I apparently managed the proper mental judo today for meeting guys without expectations or attempts to pick out china patterns, while still maintaining acceptable intensity levels. Neat trick. Must practice.

Went to the general orientation for the berkeley free clinic. Signed up for a few groups, met interesting guy who presented for the gay men’s health clinic. Reading about their rules for sexual propriety both reassured and distressed me. They are eminently reasonable, and actually include discussions of how some things are okay, and others are not, rather than consisting solely of thou shalt nots. I know that it will be pretty automatic and happy, and just work. I can be quite professional and friendly when I need to. And, despite my occasional drooling over this guy or that guy in the chicago gay men’s chorus, I largely viewed it as a hands off thing. I tried dating a guy (didn’t work out) from there. I also had one guy try to get in my pants who I let get close but didn’t let in my pants. I sometimes wonder if I came off as colder than a witches tit to those who didn’t know me, but whatever. (Then there was the visiting heartland mens chorus and the i n c r e d i b l e sex I had with one of their members, but that’s another story) What was more incredible was the sense of community I got from the chorus, and that’s what’s drawing me to the clinic, and not just to the gay men’s health collective (they just happen to be the only one actively training now that I’m really interested in)

Afterwards, I went out to the white horse (gay bar, spitting distance from the apartment) with the guy who gave the talk for the gay men’s health collective, who seemed truly interested in the boring story of my prior employment, and life in general. He was a good listener. Very cocky, and needing-to-be-attended-to, but a good listener. A likeable fellow I think. On the way to the bar, stopped off at my place to drop off bag and deal more with clogged kitchen sink (probably clogged because of the leek stems I put through the garbage disposal saturday evening. Or was it sunday afternoon? Anyway, simon bought liquid plumber stuff for it that didn’t work, so I tried the same thing again (at simon’s suggestion), and now we have a standing pool of caustic fluid in our sink. Whoops. I called the fixit guy for our place three times today about it, and it appears that the related guy in an apartment near ours will be taking a look at it tomorrow.

Then we went to the white horse. Karaoke night. Russell (berkeley free clinic guy) and his friends sebastian and dave wanted me to sink, and I adamantly declared that I wouldn’t do it tonight. (and didn’t). I latched on to Dave for some reason, dunno why. But we kinda hit it off in the friendly-not-attracted-to-you-but-I-think-you’re-really-attracted-to-me sort of way. He was all about getting me to peruse the karaoke songs he had. As was sebastian (who gave me his number & email and told me he was doing a party at his place in a couple months, and I said I’d be delighted to go, if I’m in town in a couple months).

Also really cute guy, bit of a ham, but a really good singer (at least, for karaoke night) with several piercings. Russell appeared to be into him (couldn’t blame him on that one).

I feel a little bad because I did the overwhelmed stoic/geek thing, when Russell offered to get me a drink. I was even aware of wanting water, but reflex made me say “I’m fine”. And some stupid hindbrain thing made me continue with it after I’d said it. He even offered me water specifically. Bad hindbrain. Russell shouldn’t have to pay money for me, though. I should pull my own weight, dammit. Argh.

Then I got home and paged back over 135 friends posts I’d missed since friday evening. Dammit, I meant to call during ‘s bday party. D’oh! But

Happy Birthday, Doug

anyway. Wish I could have been there, sounds like people had a blast.

I feel like there are things I want to be doing and don’t have the time or attention to give to them. Fortunately, after the volunteer thing, I can feel my need for gay.com, and random netporn decreasing. I have a sense of community, of connectedness, or at least the start of it. Even if I don’t have a job, it gives me a sense of social security, which reduces my need for affirmation through my sexuality (which isn’t necessarily the healthiest way to be getting my affirmation)

I think I need to be more selective in my allocation of time and energy. I want to be omniscient, and capable of sharing my thoughts as part of a universal collective pool of consciousness unlimited by the dictates of time. (hmmm, maybe I should sleep more 😉 But I’ve been starting things, and then dropping them, like mad. particularly prominent in terms of guys. Lots of first dates, and a few one night stands, but 2nd dates are rare. Jobs browsed are legion, resumes submitted are few. Argh. Hopefully the berkeley free clinic indicates a turning point in this trend. I’m all for exploration, but balance and focus are good things too.

Oh yeah. The gay men’s health thingie will eat up my fridays until january. And my sundays. If I stick with it. Shortly after that, their general medical stuff begins, which would eat all weekends for 6 months. Ugh, commitment. But all this presupposes I stay here.

This weekend, made potato leek soup and blueberry/peach cobbler on saturday evening, little party in the house with , , , and simon (ie, the usual). Josh, Aaron, and Andrew went out clubbing with fake id for andrew. Much fun was had. I was vaguely put off by the whole fake id thing. Not rationally, but there you have it. I wasn’t especially interested in clubbing either. Oh well.

But, yeah, so. More job hunty tomorrow. The score will climb, and all will be well.

Um, whee. =)