It’s hard on the heart to keep meeting people dick first. I give a bit of my heart each time. And even if I factor out every biological risk (which I do my best to do), that wears one down, if it’s unreturned. Empty hearted sportfucking makes me sad.
So often when I get it on, I’m looking for something very different. Probably another case of looking for the wallet lost in the alley under the streetlamp.
Time to step into less familiar terrain?
giving a bit of the heart each time
I do that too … once I was talking with a friend about it and he told me that I’m like a girl! He thought that the masculine thing is to be able to have no-strings sex, while the feminine thing is to feel attachment. Not that I care, really, how masculine or feminine other people think I am. I’m just me.
Re: giving a bit of the heart each time
I do that too … once I was talking with a friend about it and he told me that I’m like a girl! He thought that the masculine thing is to be able to have no-strings sex, while the feminine thing is to feel attachment. Not that I care, really, how masculine or feminine other people think I am. I’m just me.
Your friend is right, of course, that a simplistic image of masculinity looks for sex without attachment — which is IMO like sex without human contact. To feel something for people you have sex with doesn’t make you “like a girl” except insofar as it makes you “like a fully human being.”
Yes, it’s really difficult for people to become fully human beings, and I think it’s especially difficult for males in our society. I’m not sure if it’s easier for het males trying to hook up with women: since women expect to do the emotional work in an relationship with a man, the guys can just kind of coast on the woman’s feelings. “I’m a Real Man who just wants to screw around — the commitment thing is all *her* idea!”
If you’re a gay man trying to meet another gay man, though, who’s going to do the work? Who’s going to say, “let’s be human beings together, not just a couple of dicks”? On the other hand, gay men have more emotional leeway than straight men do: you’re allowed to be interested in something besides sports and action movies. Not that I don’t fully respect wanting to see a movie with (a) explosions (b) adrenaline-pumping stunts and (c) Vin Diesel with his shirt off.
In case you’re wondering who I am — I share a brain with http://www.livejournal.com/users/jacquez, and came here via a link from her lj.
Mary Ellen
“Doctor Science, MA”
I recently posted about much the same thing. I mean, considering I engage guys in conversation first, if you’re interesting enough for me to pursue, you’ll still be interesting in the morning. Uh, hopefully.
But then, I don’t think I’m dismissive enough for the one-night thing. Which means, I guess, holding off for a little while, hard as that may be.
Wow, I’m so glad to hear you say something like that…cuz I felt the same way. It was the worst when I lived in SF and everybody I met were one night stands. THAT got old fast. I decided to not put out on the first date…unless I want to see them again. Good luck, bro! 🙂