So, as some of you have observed, I believe I have some nonspecific, dire effect on anyone I get into a relationship with. It doesn’t take a shrink, armchair or otherwise, to trace the origins of that one, just someone with a decent knowledge of my childhood.
Or maybe I just fear that it’s true. And as a decent human being I feel the need to warn my would be intimates. The “funny” thing about that one is that my warnings may be a form of self fulfilling prophecy.
Is there a statute of limitations on my disfunctional conscience? Can I get a replacement?
So far I’ve resisted warning off the most recent one, but I still fear.
You seem like a great guy. I’m putting that first.
I’m a left-brained, utilitarian kid, so I’ll ask this: has warning would-be intimates ever done anybody (you, or the would-be intimates) any good that you can demonstrate?
Averting disaster is hard to prove, right? But this has worked for me in the past – putting the “burden of proof” on my own back. Does this choice serve me? Does it serve others? If I can’t prove that something has actually been helpful, I’m more willing to change it, because I’ll no longer see it as something that “helps others at my own expense” but rather as something that “helps nobody.” And it’s certainly easier for me to abandon habits that help nobody. Not easy, of course – abandoning habits never has been easy for me – but easier than trying to change patterns that I still believe serve a purpose.
I was essentially going to pose the same question and thought as
So if you understand the behavior and where it comes from why not alter it? Experiment.
So let me get this right.
In “Husband Hunting Made Easy” by Patrick Price, there is a theory that guys will look at couples and say “What is HE doing with HIM???” … and you never want (one never wants) to be the HIM in that equation.
You appear to think you are constantly the HIM, no? Or something like that. If so, why? Is it that you don’t think you’re a good match with the guys you manage to date? Is it truly that you feel inferior? And why do you think you feel inferior?
are you warning of anything that isn’t likely to happen in an average relationship-from-the-start?