So, I have a thing for guys who are somewhat older than myself. Like 6 or 7 years is probably optimal. But my boyfriends have all (with the exception of Scott, twb) been younger than myself, usually by trivial amounts (3 months, a year, that sort of thing). Partially this is small sample size. I’ve only had 3 boyfriends (not counting twb). But another part of this is embarrassment. I’m not quite sure how to swing this socially. I hang out with many people younger than myself, and have for many years now. A few of my friends are ageist, and think nothing of bitching about “obnoxious older men” and calling them trolls.
There are several themes to my thoughts. “What would they think of him?” “What would they think of me?” “What would he think of them?” “What would he think of me?” “What would we talk about?” “How would they get along?” Part of this is a concern about the appearance of being a kept lad. I like to think of myself as independent, and someone buying me food all the time (which one need not be older than me to do) makes me somewhat uncomfortable. Not having the same cultural markers is another thing (having to explain “final fantasy” can be as frustrating as having to explain “the stonewall riots”). And, of course, the concern that he’ll condescend to my friends or my friends will think he’s a “lecherous old man” bugs me. (If I think he’s just into me as a way of pursuing his youth, he probably wouldn’t last long with me.)
One of the key things I enjoy doing with someone I’m dating is introducing them to my friends, and talking with said friends (typically about something intellectual or political) while snuggling on the couch. And something about the age disparity I have with the guys I find most attractive makes me uncomfortable with this.
These thoughts and feelings are something I’m only starting to examine, but it seems like a useful pattern to work on. (and a good way to procrastinate much needed work, perhaps. 😉