Category: Uncategorized

Ever been writing up the stirring conclusion to long post about the changes you’re going to make, only to hit the ‘close tab’ hotkey? Talk about resisting change. 😉

Here’s the cliff’s notes. My basic pattern for writing a paper is to assemble everything that looks like it’s probably relevant ahead of time, and start reading and writing at the last minute. I form the outline as I go, and I usually figure out the conclusion after I’m halfway through the paper. I do this all at the 11th hour. If there were a goal-reason for this, I’d say it was bragging rights, but there really isn’t. This is an evolved, and deeply ingrained habit that’s dragging me down. Deeply ingrained does not mean unbreakable.

Growing old happens inevitably, with no effort on anyone’s part. Growing up is a choice. Or a series of choices. I’m ready to grow up a bit more, and I’ll make the changes I need to. This shit ain’t gonna fly forever.

I had a triumphant buzz this morning, coming out of gymnastics. I nailed my front handsprings fairly consistently for the first time. I hit my feet, and then my knees shortly after, almost every time. No spot. It rocked. My quads are in serious muscle-building pain. Like almost limping.

And I finished my paper, and even got a couple hours of sleep. 8.25 pages. But it feels complete. It’s a report on the pittsburgh regional economic development authority (the southwestern pennsylvania commission)

I’m enjoying the rush. My slight embarrassment at doing it within the past 24 hours, well, I’ll discuss that in my next post. =)

I am: -9% Republican.

“You’re a damn Commie! Where’s Tailgunner Joe when we need him?”

Are You A Republican?

Saturday morning I went for a run around Lake Calhoun with Scott. We chatted a great deal about personal histories and a little bit about politics. But the main feature for my current purposes was that my standard 4ish mile run knee pain was triggered. It wasn’t enough to stop me at the time, but Sunday, stepping down of the curb or down a stair hurt. Plus I had the muscle soreness to go with it.

Then today was gymnastics. I was wearing my knee brace, just in case. As part of warmup, we did a few backroll-into-handstands. Or rather, I tried. I think I tried 8 or 9 times. I only kneed myself in the face once when I collapsed. I nearly succeeded once. Clearly more practice is required. Then it was front tucks. Lots of front tucks. Given that my usual problem is under-rotation, it’s probably a good thing that my first tuck resulted in me landing first on my feet, then very quickly thereafter on my knees and chest. In fact, all of us using the same mat overrotated at first. Yay overrotation! After that, my compatriots expressed amazement at how high I jumped and yet how little I rotated. Still, I managed a few good tucks. Then when we were supposed to be putting the mats away, at the urging of these gentlemen, I did my first unspotted front handspring, and did a good one, if not for the minor collapse of my braced knee. I was up again in no time, none the worse for the wear.

Gymnastics is a hell of a lot of fun. It’s kind of sad that running and my knees get along so poorly, though. And now my back from the small of my back to the top of my spine is having heavy muscle fatigue ache going on. Whee-oof-Whee. =)

The mysterious poster strikes again, commenting on another way old post of mine.

Housemates are good, they balance us. My main fear is that all my experiences with a couple in group living situations have involved one of the couple disappearing (if one of the members is not a housemate) or the couple going individually or collectively psycho. Karl & Janet, Paul & Glen-Paul, Shannon & Scott, psychoness ensued.

… Conveniently, I listed my roommates in the post in question, so I rapidly found the exceptions. and . They were sane. It was good. We got along swimmingly. And my brief time living with and Virginia (his wife) wasn’t bad at all, though I wasn’t around much either. Whether I went psycho on Choli while dating or she went psycho on me while dating is an interesting academic question. may have an opinion as the trapped third roommate. Mutual psycho-ness may be a reasonable perspective on the situation.

Regardless, I had feared that I was doomed to picking at least one of asshole, single, and/or living with no one other than my siginificant other, if applicable. I am now reassured.

Someone’s looking in MY old posts… Hope they weren’t too boring*.

But he made a comment on a post from nearly three years ago, just as I was leaving for SF, that inspired some verbosity.

I was going to make a comment, but decided to make a post, ‘cuz some of ya’s weren’t around then, and some of ya’s might have interesting things to say. That having been said…

Damn, talk about your trips down memory lane… =)

Well, for me, I’ve never been an automatic monogamist. When I was dating [redacted], I was adamantly non-monogamous. Whether he changed that, or our relationship changed that, or whatever, at the end of our time together, I was open to the possibility of monogamy. Even so, I still refuse to assume it, despite my feeling that most people want it to be assumed sometime around the first date, or first fuck if a second seems likely. =) For the monogamists, the boyfriend status seems pretty simple: Have I foresworn all others? If yes, then boyfriend. If not, are we fucking? If yes, then fuckbuddy. If not, do I enjoy spending time with him? If yes, then friend. If not, non-entity. =) Or something like that. (Yeah, the computer science shows through from time to time).

It was a really big deal to me to avoid what I referred to as “the boyfriend of the week club”. If I call someone my boyfriend, that’s a pretty big deal for me. It’s a statement of commitment to his well-being, sharing of time, a statement of another word I’m very sparing with, “love”. I’m sparing with these words because I want them to mean something. I try not to be actively derisive of people with new boyfriends (or girlfriends) on a frequent basis. But if you won’t have sex with someone unless you’re in a committed (ie, exclusive) relationship, and you change your ‘committed’ relationships with the same frequency you change your underwear, perhaps you are lying to yourself. I refuse to lie to myself.

I didn’t intend to become a great big slut because I was trying to preserve my philosophical purity, but that seems to be how things turned out. The best times I’ve had with my boyfriends have involved close physical contact, all our clothing on, and 1-10 friends/family (okay, so really only my little sister) in the room in a big, free-for-all conversation. Several of those occasions are better than any sex I’ve had. , , , Seth, and too many more to list, were frequenntly involved. Steve and I didn’t have many such moments, but I’m still keeping him on the official bf list. Somehow, he seems to belong there.

So, what does “boyfriend” mean to me? It’s not exclusivity, though that may be attached. It’s not sex, though that damn well better be attached. It’s love and commitment. It’s something hard to build, hard to maintain, and hard to let go. I’ve been very fortunate in the ones I’ve had so far, and I hope for similar good fortune in my future.

*=I also hope someone got the goldilocks and the three bears reference.

At first, I told it the ocean was important, and I wanted clean air. Somehow, it picked atlanta first. When I switched those two, it put chicago first, then atlanta and dc. Heh. It needs intermediate options other “matters, doesn’t matter”, and a relative importance ranking. Maybe even an “I like living with roommates and want to own a house eventually, so that I can have lots of roommies” option.

the results

Talked to my parents about it, and a few other people. I’m going to do it. $3k/month, in chicago, rockin’. Now all I need to do is finish up the semester, get a sublessor here, find a sublet there, and make sure someone can take over for me on the web and mailing list stuff for my research group over the summer. Though that may not get as much attention until after finals. Whee!

Besides paying down my debt, I’m going to have to think of ways to suitably reward myself while in chicago. Perhaps a big ‘ol flat screen. And frequent (1-2 times/month, cheap!) plane travel to various parts of the country. North Carolina I already have plans for, so maybe two or three more. SF/Berkeley has to happen some time. Vague Austin plans have been made. I guess that only leaves one more potential trip in there. Hmmm, never been to Portland, Seattle, or Vancouver, but they all sound like good places to check out. It’d also be nice to make it back to Toronto…

Ah well. My summer, coming soon.

The person in front of me turned the GAO down. I’m going to take the weekend to think it over, but I’m probably going to accept. Ah, summer in chicago, that would be cool.

Well, I’m the next-up candidate for my second stab at GAO employment (ie, if the person who got the offer on friday doesn’t accept by this upcoming friday, they’ll extend the offer to me) … And I’m becoming less certain I’m interested. There are some not-so-faint echoes of Motorola in this plan. Big agency [company], in [near] chicago, good pay, not-precisely-what-I-want-to-do, though much closer in this case. I’ve started getting used to the idea of either sticking around for the summer with a half time research assistantship and some work for outfront on the side regarding the anti-civil-union amdendment, or if outfront pays, going full time with them. I’m not sure I could find what I’d really like to be doing, but I have an opportunity or two I’m checking out on that front, though time is definitely slipping by.

On the other hand, even if health care isn’t my preferred area of focus, taking this internship and doing it well could advance my chances of getting into the organization, getting into their “check out several teams” plan, and settling into natural resources and the environment… if that’s what I really want. Potential resume building, blah, blah, blah.

I was kinda getting used to the idea of staying in place for at least 12 months without moving. I may have to content myself with signing my first lease renewal. Hrm.

Chicago rocks anyway. If I get the offer, I think I’ll take it.