Yeah, so I’ve been single since March 16, 2002, no news there. I’ve been gay.com and m4m4sex.com free for at least 8 or 9 months. Well, maybe not totally free, but I haven’t hooked up from either since then. And I’ve spent less than 10 hours total over the past 8 months on gay.com & m4m, so that’s an enormous drop. My mmorpg’ing picked up sharply at that time, but has since declined. My sex life abruptly dropped when I self-diagnosed warts, and I haven’t completely healed since the surgery. That’s bad, and atypical. I need to be taking better care of my butt. More fiber, more ointment, more advil, and more post-dump baths (not exactly practical at work).
But this combines to make for a much less eventful sex life for me. I’ve had maybe 6 partners since november. I’m sure most of my lj acquaintances think that’s pretty high. Consider that only one of those people have I slept with more than once, and with him, I believe it was twice. Maybe that’s still high for most, but not for me.
I’m content with this. I’ve had enough sex partners to last a lifetime really. I suspect I’ll have a few more and that’s cool too. But if I were to find someone suitable, even someone I’ve slept with before, and settle down with them for the remainder of my life, I could be cool with that.
I feel like I was a bit over the top with my drooling over the straight guys at the wedding. My friends are safe, I have established patterns with them, which include joking about buttsex with them, but which safely neutralize any attraction. However, with new people, the ruts are less well worn. And I feel the pull of neat-new-person attraction. And, being me, I don’t shut up about it. And soon, I’m that horny nerd who’ll never get any, because he can’t stop running his mouth about it. *shrug*. It’s a theory.
I’m picky, but also bad at selling myself. And usually, too eager-puppy with guys I am attracted to. *shrug* Another theory.
The reason I picked up so much on gay.com isn’t because I’m uberhot, or because I dazzled them with my wit, but because getting laid through gay.com is more a matter of patience and persistence (and it doesn’t take nearly so much as hetero dating does) than a matter of demonstrating personal worth. Not to say I don’t have a lot going for me, but to say that it wasn’t the bits of myself that I most like that got me laid, it was going to the right environment that got me laid. And being a bit out of character there.
I’ve criticized a number of guys for doing things online that they’d never do in person. Ignoring a hello, leaving a conversation without saying anything, jumping to the worst conclusions about anything anyone says. I did a little of all of that, but my most frequent deviation from real life behavior was my outgoing online nature. I’d say hello to strangers as they entered the room. I wouldn’t let one person’s rejection, no matter how brutal or passive aggressive, stop me from talking to someone else. It reminds me of the king of the hill episode where the kid meets his girlfriend at the shoe store. In person, I get one rejection and I curl up into a fetal ball. (Sometimes literally, but basically never immediately).
I would not hit on guy after guy in a bar until I found one willing to go home with me.
I’ve tried squeezing attraction out of affection, and it hasn’t worked. I’ve tried increasing volume of inductees, in hopes of finding a good one that’ll stick. That didn’t really work either and it certainly wasn’t worth the cost.
Current strategy is to build up a comfortable social circle and either see what comes of it, or see if my carefully built nest draws one in to start a mating dance. And even if the distant goal isn’t achieved, the proximate goal is well worth it.
i’ve been single since january of 2000. i’ve gone on dates, but none of them seem to stick around. so i’ve developed a very healthy attitude: i am fine being single! now this is different from 3 years ago when i was “fine being single.” this time i mean it. it’s healthy and i feel good! besides, i have other things to worry about right now than worrying about dating someone.
so yeah, just focus on yourself and your own happiness and you can be six years single like me! 🙂
Happiness is more important than non-singleness. But I know myself and I like intimacy, alot. Commitment, not so much, (most especially exclusivity) but yay on intimacy.
Heh, for me it’s bear411.com.
I don’t know if it’d work for you, or if it’s even an available option in Chicago or Minneapolis, but the monthly bear sex parties in San Francisco help a lot in the “at least I get laid by random hotties on a regular basis” problem.
Well, I’d probably be looking more for the musclebear parties, but sex parties don’t seem like such a great idea to me these days. Maybe too much aids talk. Or, rather, sufficient aids talk.
my advice? get a dog. I know it works for girls, so maybe it’ll work for guys too, right? wind them in with something they can be affectionate with without guilt, then make them be affectionate with you…the old bait and switch.
are you saying it works for _baiting_ girls, or for baiting _by_ girls?
for baiting girls, I imagine my picking up girl ratio would double if I owned a dog. so I could assume this equation would work with males as well. I’ve never tried it obviously, but I could imagine anyone with a cute dog instantly becomes more likeable. Our pets are sometimes reflections of ourselves…so cute dog could equal nice guy. this wouldn’t be true in all cases, but maybe…and I think in our friends case here, cute guy + cute dog = guy magnet. or it could even make: not so cute guy + cute dog = guy magnet
or maybe I just have a thing for dogs?
well, i’ve heard from several girls that girls are generally good at disassociating cute dogs from cute people – what i mean is that they don’t fall for that trap 😉
i mean.. really.. would you fall for a girl you wouldn’t normally be interested in because of a dog?
i think they work as icebreakers – nothing more.. no miracles there.
if you like i can dig up some lj entries of girls complaining about guys trying that routine on them 🙂
don’t spread this around too much or my scheme might back fire…I can see it now…”girls no longer lured to men by cute dogs, experts say”
and haha, yah, i’ve actually fallen for someone’s dog before, and then realized the owner was kind of a dud. it’s too bad, cuz sometimes the dogs are really cute.
hmmm…I have mixed feelings on the behavior of online chat. Now, I’m not really talking about hookup-chats, but just the big 4 social IM networks. I generally will say that I’m leaving, but with the amount of multi-tasking that usually goes on while one is chatting, it’s hard to always ensure that every conversation is wrapped up. That’s one reason why I like online chats, I can leave and come back as needed. If it’s a real conversation, manners certainly apply, but when the chat consists or degrades to small talk; I generally can leave it open ended.
I’m somewhat opposite of you in my life right now. I couldn’t imagine settling down right now. Some aspects of that seem nice: having someone to do things with; but I’m at a place where I’m discovering my identity again, defined without a partner. I haven’t had the opportunity to do that in 8 years, and I am interested to see what I discover over the next few years. You’ve had some time, so I wish you good fortune in coming across someone that you jive with.
Yeah, I’m not talking about “I’m leaving” when one is taking a leak. I’m talking about abrupt loss of conversation. Like you’re in the middle of an involved discussion and one side bugs out, never to return. So, same page. =)
See, friends are people one does things with. I’m missing that alot at present too. ‘cuz mostly, I’m doing stuff alone. I worry about other people for whom their partner becomes their only real friend. I hope that I never become such a person.