Surreptitious Opinionation

Someone’s looking in MY old posts… Hope they weren’t too boring*.

But he made a comment on a post from nearly three years ago, just as I was leaving for SF, that inspired some verbosity.

I was going to make a comment, but decided to make a post, ‘cuz some of ya’s weren’t around then, and some of ya’s might have interesting things to say. That having been said…

Damn, talk about your trips down memory lane… =)

Well, for me, I’ve never been an automatic monogamist. When I was dating [redacted], I was adamantly non-monogamous. Whether he changed that, or our relationship changed that, or whatever, at the end of our time together, I was open to the possibility of monogamy. Even so, I still refuse to assume it, despite my feeling that most people want it to be assumed sometime around the first date, or first fuck if a second seems likely. =) For the monogamists, the boyfriend status seems pretty simple: Have I foresworn all others? If yes, then boyfriend. If not, are we fucking? If yes, then fuckbuddy. If not, do I enjoy spending time with him? If yes, then friend. If not, non-entity. =) Or something like that. (Yeah, the computer science shows through from time to time).

It was a really big deal to me to avoid what I referred to as “the boyfriend of the week club”. If I call someone my boyfriend, that’s a pretty big deal for me. It’s a statement of commitment to his well-being, sharing of time, a statement of another word I’m very sparing with, “love”. I’m sparing with these words because I want them to mean something. I try not to be actively derisive of people with new boyfriends (or girlfriends) on a frequent basis. But if you won’t have sex with someone unless you’re in a committed (ie, exclusive) relationship, and you change your ‘committed’ relationships with the same frequency you change your underwear, perhaps you are lying to yourself. I refuse to lie to myself.

I didn’t intend to become a great big slut because I was trying to preserve my philosophical purity, but that seems to be how things turned out. The best times I’ve had with my boyfriends have involved close physical contact, all our clothing on, and 1-10 friends/family (okay, so really only my little sister) in the room in a big, free-for-all conversation. Several of those occasions are better than any sex I’ve had. , , , Seth, and too many more to list, were frequenntly involved. Steve and I didn’t have many such moments, but I’m still keeping him on the official bf list. Somehow, he seems to belong there.

So, what does “boyfriend” mean to me? It’s not exclusivity, though that may be attached. It’s not sex, though that damn well better be attached. It’s love and commitment. It’s something hard to build, hard to maintain, and hard to let go. I’ve been very fortunate in the ones I’ve had so far, and I hope for similar good fortune in my future.

*=I also hope someone got the goldilocks and the three bears reference.

At first, I told it the ocean was important, and I wanted clean air. Somehow, it picked atlanta first. When I switched those two, it put chicago first, then atlanta and dc. Heh. It needs intermediate options other “matters, doesn’t matter”, and a relative importance ranking. Maybe even an “I like living with roommates and want to own a house eventually, so that I can have lots of roommies” option.

the results

Talked to my parents about it, and a few other people. I’m going to do it. $3k/month, in chicago, rockin’. Now all I need to do is finish up the semester, get a sublessor here, find a sublet there, and make sure someone can take over for me on the web and mailing list stuff for my research group over the summer. Though that may not get as much attention until after finals. Whee!

Besides paying down my debt, I’m going to have to think of ways to suitably reward myself while in chicago. Perhaps a big ‘ol flat screen. And frequent (1-2 times/month, cheap!) plane travel to various parts of the country. North Carolina I already have plans for, so maybe two or three more. SF/Berkeley has to happen some time. Vague Austin plans have been made. I guess that only leaves one more potential trip in there. Hmmm, never been to Portland, Seattle, or Vancouver, but they all sound like good places to check out. It’d also be nice to make it back to Toronto…

Ah well. My summer, coming soon.

The person in front of me turned the GAO down. I’m going to take the weekend to think it over, but I’m probably going to accept. Ah, summer in chicago, that would be cool.

Well, I’m the next-up candidate for my second stab at GAO employment (ie, if the person who got the offer on friday doesn’t accept by this upcoming friday, they’ll extend the offer to me) … And I’m becoming less certain I’m interested. There are some not-so-faint echoes of Motorola in this plan. Big agency [company], in [near] chicago, good pay, not-precisely-what-I-want-to-do, though much closer in this case. I’ve started getting used to the idea of either sticking around for the summer with a half time research assistantship and some work for outfront on the side regarding the anti-civil-union amdendment, or if outfront pays, going full time with them. I’m not sure I could find what I’d really like to be doing, but I have an opportunity or two I’m checking out on that front, though time is definitely slipping by.

On the other hand, even if health care isn’t my preferred area of focus, taking this internship and doing it well could advance my chances of getting into the organization, getting into their “check out several teams” plan, and settling into natural resources and the environment… if that’s what I really want. Potential resume building, blah, blah, blah.

I was kinda getting used to the idea of staying in place for at least 12 months without moving. I may have to content myself with signing my first lease renewal. Hrm.

Chicago rocks anyway. If I get the offer, I think I’ll take it.

I meant to make this post shortly after JP bit the big one, but kept slacking. Perhaps now, the new pope will serve to underscore my point.

I saw alot of villification of JP. My understanding is that he’s presided over one of the most significant liberalizations of the church of its entire existence. No, it’s not passing out condoms with the wafers, but the mass isn’t being held in latin either. [edit: pointed out that this happened before jp2. I neither knew, nor, honestly, really cared.] Gallileo is no longer a heretic. But most importantly, the dude is dead. Bitching about his hatred of homos, his attitude towards women, and his thoughts on birth control misses the point.

Look at the institution. Villification of homos, inequality across sexes, aversion to birth control, these are all part of what Catholicism stands for. If you want to blame the pope for that, go right ahead. I’ll call you short sighted. You’ll miss the fact that the next pope is going to be largely the same in all those wonderful traits as this one. In fact, perusing my subscriptions, it sounds like he’s worse.

The Catholic Church no longer appeals to the wealthy, by and large. The citizens of our economic superpowers have generally consigned Catholicism to the dustbin of history. The citizens of many developing nations have not. The more regressive the pope, the less he’ll be listened to in the superpower nations, but the same likely will not hold true for South and Central America.

I forsee a continuation of a decline in the Catholic Church. I think it has the option of quietly, gradually fading, or noisily alienating the world, with a consequently abrupt decline. I hope it opts for the former, but I suppose time will tell.

In response to ‘s question in my interview me post:

Say you *did* end up joining the Peace Corps…where would you like to go, and what would you hope to be doing?

That is an interesting question. When I think about the Peace Corps, I primarily think about what I’d get out of it: Foreign Language fluency, experiences I might not otherwise have, an enforced slowdown on many parts of my life.

But what I would hope to put into it is a trickier thing. I’m a good teacher (it’s the work I’ve most enjoyed in the past, too, but that’s a different question). I could teach math and basic science, economics, other debatably useful things in a subsistence agricultural economy. I could do some manual labor, though probably no more than a native. In terms of where their needs are, I feel I am poorly matched.

My economic development prof (with much real world experience) suggests that what’s needed most in developing nations is a) human capital development, particularly the sorts of institutional arrangements whereby one is individually rewarded for doing a good job (yay, capitalism), and education; and b) agricultural development, so that they produce food more efficiently, thereby freeing up labor for other activities.

I’m not sure my current skillset (heavily focused in abstract knowledge) would be greatly helpful, so your question, which I’d been asking myself before you ever asked it, is another big stumbling block for me actually signing on.

In terms of where I’d want to go? Africa or South America is where I’d see myself going. After 2 years, I’m sure I’d experience a change in my current comparative lack of attraction to Latinos or Blacks, and I’m not sure that’s a good thing. I don’t suspect that most of the places I’d be going would be homo hospitable. I don’t suspect they’d be vegan hospitable. I also have fears for my recently discovered medical condition, and possible relapses requiring surgery. And going to the HIV entrenched subsaharan africa would likely put San Fran as “ground zero” for AIDS in a very different perspective. Having only slightly more global awareness than the average American, my expectations for Latin America v Subsaharan Africa are not well differentiated in my mind, let alone significant distinctions between the countries that the peace corps would consider sending anyone let. (Somehow, I doubt Rwanada is going tc be getting many peace corps people).

In response to ‘s question in my interview me post:

Why did you start you LJ? How did you find out about LiveJournal? Who was your first LJ friend?

Unsurprisingly, these questions all tie together. It all started for me, with my officemate at the time, . I don’t remember the exact circumstances, but I started reading her journal. She offered me a creation code, but I declined. I casually read her journal for months. Then, late in my relationship with Mark, while I had many ideas roiling around in my head, I asked her if her offer was still good. I signed on to livejournal in 2002. She was also the first person to make my subscriptions.

I mostly started with my CMU friends, but rapidly branched out to others. A couple months after starting my journal, I made the trek down to DC where I met (virtualexile at the time), , , , , and a couple other gentlemen. They were the first people I met first on livejournal and then later met in real life. It didn’t take me long to start recruiting either. , , and all got codes from me (I traveled across two states to evangelize, though as I recall, it was who did all the driving. =)

Chilling on livejournal this morning. A trip to the lounge where I saw a bit of buggy* for the first time ever. Walked by as they were setting up for the mobot competition+. Saying hi to all sorts of people in computing services**, looking at the relocations and the departures. Browsed through the booths*+. Played a round of Tichu+* where bbailey and I barely pulled a surprise upset on and (at least, I think those were the teams (surprise because I started off with a tichu that I was totally incapable of pulling off, our hand scores monotonically increased for the first 3 or 4 hands). I then filed my CA taxes, and realized that since I expected a refund from MN all was cool on that front. And if not, it’s only a 4% penalty.

Burrito from the restaurant formerly known as pollo rey. Wedged on a lounge couch, wedged between the marvelous and the admirable , browsing the web at random, and surfing conversations. After showcasing ‘s icons, while pulling up ‘s for ‘s enjoyment, managed to pull my attention off the lcd (quite the accomplishment on her part) and to the ex of mine (and her former TA) who was grabbing a beverage from the dispenser in the room. I then managed to grab his attention, garnering a look of much startlement, and a lengthy conversation ensued. It reminded me of why we had dated, which is always nice, though I would not go back, even if that were an option, which it’s not, so all is well.

Chatted and hung out further in the lounge, then back up to my host house++ for dinner with my little sister who footed the bill at a snazzy new asian place. Then back to her place, with a brief detour back to the host house, where I saw a game of Puerto Rico being played, of which, much to my wistful dismay, I was unable to partake. Instead, I got my butt soundly kicked in a game of Scrabble with Jane while her husband Joe was doing the armor-smithing quest for his high level WoW paladin. Mom and Dad called to wish me a happy birthday.

Then back to the host house, where I subbed in for a game of tichu, and played a couple hands of mu before the others headed off to poker at shadyhouse (another nearby geek domicile). This has been one of my better birthdays over the past several years.

* buggy is one of the spring carnival traditions at cmu. Basically a buggy is a tiny, light, aerodynamic, low to the ground wheeled thingy that people build for a race (also called buggy) in which big men push the buggy after small women get into it to pilot it. The men stop pushing once gravity takes over. The women pilot around a small course with tight turns next to campus.
+ the mobot competition is a contest to build a robot which can navigate some painted lines on a sidewalk, including a couple of slopes, branching paths, and a loop. It took a while for a successful one to be built, and now it’s a race. Another signature spring carnival event.
** computing services is my former employer, a significant non-academic department of cmu.
*+ booths are the final signature tradition of cmu’s spring carnival. Basically most of the frats, and several other student organizations are given a theme, and they build small structures, which should be somehow related that theme. Booths are judged in various categories including adherence to the theme, and creativity.
+* tichu is a card game vaguely similar to Euchre or Bridge, but more interesting than the former (don’t know bridge).
++ my host house is the chateau d’ bbailey, chris, and , though soon it will be passing out of our known circle of friends and into the hands of pitt students. I lived here a couple of summers, once in ’99, and then in ’00. My computer lived in the basement (and I spent enormous amounts of time here) from the time I moved back to pgh from chicago until I left for the bay area. The coffeetable, one recliner, and a rug were all owned by me immediately prior to taking up residence here. I’ll be sad to see it go, but nothing lasts forever.

The past few times I’ve flown out of the minneapolis airport, it’s been impossible to shut CNN out in the waiting areas. And it’s like I’m watching subtly different variations on the same theme. “Murder and danger to your children, stay tuned for more updates.” And of course, these are unusual or extreme cases in far away places. But I can see how people who turned to CNN for their news could easily turn into shutins afraid of the outside world. I especially loved how the kid who wasn’t allowed to go out, and was being teased by kids at home and online has his suicide attributed to The Internet. Not because he had no life, nothing to do, and nothing to put perspective or meaning in his life. No, it was The Internet. A prime news competitor for television (and to my mind, flat out superior), isn’t that an amazing coincidence. Cherrypicking your stories anyone?

I have not forgotten the questions post, I’ll get right on that, after I finish my taxes. =)