Well, why not go with what’s really on my mind. So, let’s start with the perfectly reasonable assumption that how I conducted myself within the limits of being me probably had very little to do with his non-attraction. That sets the stage for something that isn’t going to work out romantically. Which is disappointing, but probably not such a big deal once I get past the next week or two.
In examining the “Did I fuck up and if so how?” that I always do, I’m finding the answer to be “no, but…”
If I want to avoid excess heartbreak, I ought to do the emotional investment gradually, as I recieve signs of interest from the one I’m interested in. That’s hard for me. At times, I’m like a tidal wave of emotion, coming out of nowhere. I can certainly understand how that’s unpleasant for alot of people under most circumstances. I try to keep the big breakers out of others’ lives, to the extent possible.
Do I even want to calm my internal weather systems? How do I do it? Dropping the analogy doesn’t make it any easier for me. How do I slow down my emotional investment? It’s difficult. I think I made alot of progress this time, relative to prior experiences. Practice runs are useful, even if failure is guaranteed 😉 And, honestly, I think this sucked alot less than it could have because of that. Plus, ‘Butterfly Effect’ was basically the perfect movie to see to rid myself of the lingering ghost of self-recrimination I commonly have at times like this. *pat self on back* for learning to manage my own emotional state.