So, Steve is cool. And attractive, and fun to talk to. 2nd date started off somewhat awkward and off balance, but corrected pretty smoothly. But now I’m experiencing an emotional reaction very similar to the one I had when Josh asked me, lo those many moons ago, “so, are we boyfriends?”, which is to say “I really don’t want to lose this guy, but I really don’t feel ready to commit”. I am pretty lonely and work unfulfilled, but let’s stick to the lonely for a minute.
I work all day with Ro, and only Ro. Our schedules don’t always overlap much. I’m not the sort to casually strike up conversation at the gym. At the clinic, there are some good guys, but when I’m medicing, I’m spending most of my time talking to people that I am not to approach in a nonclinical setting. (It’s come up with a few guys already). At home, well, simon’s back (yay), but he has a life that occupies more time with class & work than mine does. Tom works obscene hours in mountainview, and shannon likewise has a life.
Dating is not the ideal solution. For me, small groups (3-7) is optimal. Dates come in a fixed size of 2. Steve is also way the hell far away.
But the real problem here is that I’m thinking of person-I-will-be-dating as the solution for all the social activity I’m missing. If I take that burden of expectation away, Steve seems like someone well worth dating. But that means I’m going to have to try something else for the social angle. Hmmmm.
points to ponder.
Me and my bofiend don’t have a lot to share socially either. We tend to have to go out of our way to make time for each other.
d00d…
it’s all semantics and expectation-filled semantics…
“dating” or “being ‘boyfriends'”… you say you’re not quite ready to commit… do these terms equate with “married to” in your mind? is this why you balk?
what about that option on gay.com “dating a few people” (as opposed to “single,” “seeing someone special,” “monogamously coupled,” “in an open relationship,” “serial monogamist,” “committed, but play together” ‘on the rebound”)… what kind of mindset and social dynamism does that evoke in your own mindscape?
what is this ‘hedging’ and not saying that you’d be interested in further exploring what relationship could come of this, but express that you are unsure whether you are ready to “commit”/’enter into an exclusive relationship with all the expectations and fringe benefits’?
re: social angle… d00d… you have lots of friends… there are many venues that will not lead to any other nookie/relationship-other-than-friendship out there… avail yourself of them.