Back in the old days of my undergraduate career, as some of you know, I was an active brother in Alpha Phi Omega, a co-ed, dry, service fraternity, without a house (we drew in a pretty interesting crowd). It provided what was probably my, and many others’, first real sense of belonging. I was told, and shown, regularly, “We like you, we don’t care if you’re gay.” Partially this was through, affectionate, but decidedly unromantic touch.
My active status in APhiO didn’t even last for a full semester after I initiated, but I still count some of the people I met through it as very dear friends. And I often miss that contact, the touch that doesn’t demand or request, that isn’t sexual, the touch that simply offers affection. It’s a need that I’ve tried to fill through my love/sex life, but it’s not the same. It’s unfortunately rare in my life.
Barbara so cool.
Re: Barbara so cool.
Your post reminded me that I, too, miss a lot of the friendly physical interaction that was much more common several years ago. I remember going up to the skibo floor and curling up for a nap with my best friend, or trading backrubs or hair scritches with random other people.
Most of the people I was affectionate with have graduated and moved away now, and the social crowds I run with now (asylum, d&e, s&e, work, church, volleyball) are just not cuddly. So I’ve gradually moved away from those habits, which, frankly, makes me less happy. I am looking forward to out of town friends visiting soon who I expect will remind me how wonderful it is to touch others.
i will always consider the summer of ’95 to be one of the best examples of that. all the random nights spent hanging out in the common areas of AEPiPhiO. although the skibo floor definately ranks a close second. and yes, it really is something i miss sometimes.