Cheerful …. Chaotic?

There’s who I am, who I see myself as, and who I want to become. There are important, though not really gaping, differences between them.

I have this picture of where I want to be when I’m grey. It involves me being much calmer and much more secure in myself (though arguably not otherwise terribly fundamentally different from who/where/what I am now). I think I want to think of myself as more dynamic than I actually am, because I fear being inadequate to any task, and I’ve wanted to be able to roll out my next version to address prior inadequacy without missing a beat.

The truth is, I haven’t changed so much in the past few years, and that’s really not a bad thing. As I am, I’m pretty adaptable. And I have friends who help cover the inevitable gaps. And if something comes up that I can’t handle, I’ll handle my inability to handle it, and move on. While the unexamined life may not be worth living, the overexamined life isn’t much of a life. Sometimes the best bits of life come from unintended surprises.

That’s probably more ‘chaotic’ anyway. =)

No sleep, early flight, this is going to be fun, fun, fun.