“Are you masculine?”
Fuck you. Get a spine. Say what you goddamn well mean, and don’t couch it in some deliberately vague codespeak. And when I call you on your bullshit, offer a better definition of what you mean by “masculine” than “doesn’t act like a girl.” A more straightforward definition might be “‘acts like’ or ‘has characteristics related to being’ ‘a man’ instead of defining yourself by not being a girl, or, more accurately, a flamer.
What you mean is “You’re not a flamer, right?” Jesus, this question makes me want to knee people in the nads.
“Masculine” is almost worse than “straight acting” in my book.
Maybe a positive definition of the word would be “proactive, protective, encouraging, direct, decisive, self-confident, doesn’t concern themselves over whether or not some asshat on the internet considers them masculine (okay, that was a negative definition, I admit it).” And maybe I fail on that definition. But that’s not the definition they care about. Even if it is a damn sight better than the definition they use.
“Are you masculine?”
Fuck you. Get a spine
I think that’s a yes 🙂
the vibe i’m getting is that you feel sorry for tim hardaway, but gays get the full brunt. also, this post made me think back to one i read ages ago here.
Tim was responding honestly to a question in an interview. His tone reeked of anxiety rather than hatred, or anger. Yes, he’s an idiot and a bigot. And he’s not invited to my housewarming. But, he also gets quoted out of context. The difference between “Let it be known, I hate faggots” and “I let it be known I hate faggots” is significant, especially when he’s talking about how he doesn’t know any.
And you’ll note, I didn’t say xyz person on misc.hookupsite.com said abc to me. This is critiquing gay hookup site culture. =) I like people. Cultures frequently piss me off.
hrm…
Self-deprecation in any capacity is unattractive. That’s what I’ve learned.
Self hatred for what you really are is horrible. I spent years of my life hating myself for being ‘queeny’. Now, I’ve discovered that it is one of my endearing qualities… I’m not afraid to express it anymore. That is what it stems from. Hate for what you are and what you want to hide. The things we hide in the layers are often more scary that the faces we show outwardly.
What a way to ruin a great word.
This is one small benefit I get from not bothering to ‘play the field’ I suppose, in that I basically did not know about this usage until your posts. Gauche and awful as the sentiment expressed in this terminology is, I personally have some echo of it. Maybe I should make my own post on the topic.
Because it’s such a loaded word with differing interpretations, I agree it borders on meaningless as a question. Coming from a stranger, it has the quality of “I figure you don’t get enough masculinity-questioning shit from family and co-workers, so here, let me heap more on.”
If it’s a hookup forum to begin with, then I accept that people are entitled to their tastes, and maybe I’d ask out of curiosity what masculinity means to him–but asking the question certainly doesn’t reflect well on him. You can psych the next one out by saying: “Why yes, I plan on drinking and belching at the TV while messing up the house, ignoring your feelings, and beating you if you deny me sex!” or “Yes, I’ll be sure to hold your hand and kiss your cheek in public just like those homophobic Arabs.” Let him know that, contrary to popular belief, there are stupid questions. 🙂
As a straight, dom male, I wouldn’t say that I’m masculine in the least. I think the word is confusing, and shouldn’t neccessarily mean all those positive things you listed.
It is a confusing word. Which is why it’s a terrible question to ask. Particularly of a stranger online.
Some people are fucked in the head.
How about “I don’t like labels. Find out for yourself. Or not. If you’re fixated on labels and what other people think, I’m not interested in -you-.”
Or, y’know, fuck off works just as well. Because someone who asks that question isn’t going to be someone you’re going to get along with anyway.
you come across to me as “masculine.” by the definition, “does not act like a girl.” but, yeah, i agree…fuck that crap.
😉
i don’t think he’s going to be ripping out chest hair anytime soon tho.
Re: 😉
Not again, it fucking hurt the first (and last) time.
We should come up with a word to describe those of us who don’t like labels.
you anti-label whore you. =)
In dyke terms there’s “butch” and “femme” but it’s about gender roles and how one would want to be treated as much as dress or anything else.
If someone describes themselves as “femme seeking same” I’m less upset than someone who says “quiet about sexuality” or “our secret” or someshit like that.
I totally understand your problem with stereotypes. However, the term masculine has commonly-accepted connotations, and I don’t see any problem with it. These “labels” people hate so much are our only ways of making sense of the world sometimes.
You can be feminine and still be strong and confident. Some guys just aren’t attracted to that. Nobody is going to inquire about all of the qualities associated with masculinity when the word “masculine” suffices to sum them all up.
Yeah, within the context of gay hookup sites, there’s a special language. Masculine means “not nelly.” Unless it means “I work out alot.” Or it means “I can’t really be bothered to think about who and what I am, so I’ll just put down a meaningless word that makes me sound sexy.”
Sorry, not buying it.
What do you mean by “feminine”? Say “nelly” or “flaming” or “flamboyant” if that’s what you mean. Most women ain’t that.
I’m masculine!
You may be more masculine than I. I, for one, hate conflict.
I am so totally more masculine than you. I mean, I don’t even know what “masculine” means, but I’ve got it. In spades. Phallic, phallic spades.
And I thrive on conflict.
Straight acting is worse. Butch is best. 😉
My answer to that question:
“Well, I have a dick between my legs, so yes.”
We may have to test that… =)
Gladly…
😉
Answer:
“Yes. Unfortunately, I must inform you that you are no longer under consideration for the position of roommate. Because you concern yourself with adherence to “traditional” gender-specific behaviors, it can reasonably be concluded that you a) are uncultured/regressive, b) have some really awful friends, or c) have major insecurities. Thanks, and best wishes.”
not for roommate, he was looking for nookie. =)
Oh dear god.
…
Seriously? I mean, really?
(deep voice) “Dude, I’m not really gay, since I don’t take it. And I like, only do it with other guys that are like real guys–you know, like who watch football and who can like fix a car and shit.”
Perhaps what the question really means is:
“You know those stereotypes about gay people, that some gay people coopt and exaggerate as a means of broadcasting to everyone in a 30 foot radius that they are gay? Well, while those are an excellent strategy at finding a high percentage of the closeted gay males around you [call it “active gay-dar”], one should also realize that they are exaggerations of what were originally comedic stereotypes, and not all gay people are guaranteed to find them charming and/or attractive.”
None of this has anything to do with being proactive, direct, self-confident, etc. One can be a total flamer and have all of those attributes (in fact, I would think that one might have to have all of these attributes in order to boldly flip a wrist in general company) This also probably has very little to do with politics and/or masculinity, except as the writer of the ad may or may not have confused the (co-opted) symbol for the meaning. I presume, of course, that anyone writing such an ad does not find the new meaning of the symbol annoying, so much as the (aesthetics of) the symbol itself.
I suspect, however, that you get annoyed with these buzzwords for the same reasons I would — namely memories of Jr High when to be “masculine” meant “don’t be an unpopular nerd — follow all the arcane behavior rules that emerge from social interactions at your Jr High, whatever they might be”.
In my reading it is unclear if the asker is specifically asking whether you follow one set of “arcane rules of masculine behavior for adults” or specifically asking whether you do not follow another set of “arcane rules of behavior for flamingly gay adults” Perhaps the speaker might really mean to ask “Hey, are you fake?”, but it may be impossible to start a trend of using that phrase instead, as “masculine” probably has positive (sexual) connotations to a crowd that wants to have sex with men.
Oh wait, this is for a roommate search, not a dating search.
Fuck that. Roommates shouldn’t care whether you’re a flamer.
No, it wasn’t a roommate, it was on gay.com =)