So, after the screening which included SALiVATION Army (I promise to stop talking about it at some point in the distant future), and after our fire alarm induced interlude, I asked spupeh if he knew how I could lay hands on a copy of the films, hopefully a collection of all the shorts, but with one in particular in mind.
He responded that I could ask Scott (the creative force behind SA), who was standing within easy auditory range, but talking with someone else. My response?
“You clearly think I have more balls than I actually do.” At which point I attempted to sail past like the Queen Mother, while feeling more like Lot’s wife, hoping he hadn’t heard me. I don’t know why I was so resistant to the idea. I have a strong aversion to approaching people I’m attracted to, and he is attractive. There was also something in the movie that made me particularly self-conscious about my clubby shirt, purchased that day, when it was the last thing I really needed. Plus, I had this vision of me being like the freaky fanboy groupies out there.
I walked out into the lobby, and started browsing at one of the tables, looking for the answer to my question, while my heart was beating faster than usual, and I was having trouble thinking clearly.
And there was Scott. Talking with some lady.
Shit, if she can do it, so can I.
Walked over, waited til they were done talking, asked my question, discussed the specifics, briefly chitchatted about stuff, then as Chris and I were leaving to go off to dinner, there was the eye contact that lasts a couple moments longer than you expect, that makes you wonder. But I had dinner to get to, and I was only in town for less than another 24 hours at that, so I just let it go, not really knowing if it was in my head, or just him reacting to an odd signal from me, or legitimate interest. Not really knowing a safe way to find out, not wanting to make an obnoxious, groupie ass out of myself, I left.
And according to his website, he has, or at least had, a boyfriend, I mean, come on, trying anything would have made no sense, right? (noticing my excuses piling up yet?)
Let us then consider an incident that occurred earlier today, on the way to my shrink’s office. There was a guy walking the opposite direction on the sidewalk, along forbes, coming up to the bridge. Cute, nipples and pecs clearly outlined under white tshirt. About the time he pulls even with me, he goes up to the edge of the bridge and looks out over the valley. Nobody does that. Well, occasionally I do it, but I never see anyone else doing it. Whatever, don’t want to misinterpret anything, but maybe…. My heart rate jumps up a notch. Whee adrenaline.
I keep walking, but keep my eyes peeled for an excuse to stop.
Ah, poster on the street light post, excellent. Even a vaguely interesting cause, rally in washington, is he still there? He is. Interesting. Rally in Washington, October 1st, Jane’s birthday. Still there. I likely won’t be in town by that time, but might be able to afford airfare, if I find a decent job. Wait, he’s walking this way, the opposite direction from what he was originally going.
Freak out. Start walking away.
I’m not going to be in town in a couple months, I have an appointment to get to. Hell, he could be some straight guy, pissed off that I was checking him out. [sound familiar?]
Urk. I’m being ridiculous. I turn around. He’s gone. I can’t even spot him. Freaky. I stand there for a few minutes. Nada. I am such a crackhead.
I’m early for my appointment. By like 10 minutes. (prior appt ran late)
Fickleness, thy name is scu.
hesitation, my friend…
…is the step-by-step process by which opportunities are missed. Go back, if you like, and read my earlier article about it.
checking him out …
A healthy skepticism … why should a fellow be compatible, just because he looks good from afar? Then again, you’ll never know if you don’t say hello.
It could be worse, you could like in the North Hills. Thousands of cute preppy pups without a clue, making great eye candy, but little else, what’s a horny guy to do? It’s a numbers game and I usually utter the first “Hi!” They are so sweet, so soft, so congenial, but alas clueless. Thank goodness flirty is a hobby with me.