Am I completely fucking insane?
Judge for yourself.
I’m planning on giving notice tomorrow (quitting my job right before my lease runs out at the end of july). I plan on selling as much of my stuff as I can, putting the rest in storage, changing coasts, living in a freaking hostel, and signing up with manpower, or the like, for a temp job, (just to make sure I won’t starve on the streets, or stop being able to pay my bills, in case all else falls through), getting around by muni and skates (bike if I can swing a way to get it out there), volunteering with my evenings and weekends. And I’m looking forward to this.
I could probably keep it up, without any employment, for 2-3 months. Largest expense would be the hostel, followed by food, followed by my debt consolidation loan. If, after two months, it was a total wash (or I just came to my senses), I’d be able to afford greyhound back, and I’d make sure I hadn’t collected so much trash that I couldn’t take it back with me. Hostel would provide a kitchen (to keep food expenses down), net connection, place to sleep and shower. And motivation to go out and find a job.
So, there’s the raw facts of what I’m planning, here’s why.
I don’t really care about my job. And it gets in the way of things I do care about, like making a difference in the world (I refuse to count helping someone read their email, or smacking down someone who printed a really long playscript, as ‘making a difference’). I’ve been wanting to live in the bay area (bkly or sf) for awhile now, and even after 4 trips out there in the past year, 3 of which were longer than a week, and the remaining one was like 5 days, I still want to go. The reasons on that are longer than I care to get into.
I am completely restless. Maybe if I go where I want to go, I’ll find out it’s where I want to be. Or maybe I’ll find out that going where you want to go isn’t necessarily all its cracked up to be, but I’m tired of following the one job offer I have at any given time like a bull with a ring through its nose.
I want simplicity. I look at the crap I’ve collected over the years and feel trapped by it all.
I want your feedback, even if you think I’ve gone stark raving bonkers, and want to have me committed, but don’t expect me to listen unless you tell me why.
Go for it. Its not like you have some h4rdc0re career at this point, and thus have a lot to lose by running off for awhile. Its not like later in life you’ll be afforded the chance to do something so random so easily.
Very true. Experimentation with systems when fewer people rely upon them is probably better.
your beauty
“The journey toward our beauty is a magnificent struggle. Achieving an integrity between what we believe and how we live is a challenge worthy of the gift of life. A thousand obstacles stand between our selves and the honoring of our truths. A thousand distractions. A thousand ego-generated delusions. The quality of our life depends on how we confront those obstacles. That is what Joseph Campbell described as the hero’s journey — the journey towards our greater self. That journey takes so much courage. That journey fascinates me. To dive down, find the beauty, nurture it and offer it to the world is magnificent. The more unique what you have to offer, the more indifferent the world is likely to be for a long, long time. Staying with your beauty, your truth, your integrity is difficult, but out of these things comes meaning, and meaning is all-transcendent.
I am less and less interested in different dogmas and versions of truth, of yes and no. Rather, I am inspired by action, any action, that is love or spirituality manifested. Not love or spirituality verbalized, but lived. People paying the price of their truth — of an open heart — lift me up. It is a journey with an elusive destination. The failures along the way are as important as the successes. We can learn from and take courage from each other’s stories.”
— Rod MacIver
Nothing wrong with wanting a simpler life. Maybe you can find a job with a worthwhile non-profit. 🙂
Worthwhile and generous, one hopes 😉 Maybe my aclu experience will earn me some brownie points.
It’s Stephen Total Liquidation Sale!!! Everything MUST GO! 🙂 Good luck.
If you’d like to donate a particular green jacket to the cause, I’m sure it would make someone happy 😉
Of course you’re stark raving bonkers! Going of randomly to California? Selling off all your worldly posessions? These are the documented steps of a lunatic. You should be finding a nice wife, buying a house, getting a firm programmers job in a cubicle of some large fortune 500 company with a good career path, 401k and retirement, get a dog, cat, goldfish, hampster, drinking a beer and watching Monday night football.
But this is Stevie, and it’s a fairly good bet none of the above will occur anytime soon. Stark raving bonkers… absolutely, but no one said that was a bad thing. 😉 Good luck.
I don’t understand how straight conservative suburbanites could live that way. I’d start comparing cyanide pill brands in a week =)
do you have a couch? can i buy it?
Everyone has an inner voice and pull that they listen to. Go with yours… The best times have been when I followed mine. 🙂
Best of luck in deciding. =)
Sounds like you’ve thought things through and have a good grip on the practicalities of pulling off such a move. Doesn’t sound at all like you’re going bonkers.
Having recently considered picking up and moving myself (though I decided to stay put, for now), I know how daunting the prospect can be. It looks like you’ve got the details sorted out, though. And just think of the grand adventure it would be! Whichever way you choose, hopefully good fortune will follow you.
Friend mode: Damn. You were on the “cool people I should get to know better” list except I kept putting it off because, well, I’m an antisocial bastard and I’ve never really known how to do that (yes, even when opportunities were handed to me on a silver platter).
Coworker mode: Dude, that sucks. More work for me.
Abstract comment: for some reason, my brain is superimposing you on various scenes from Trainspotting and Fight Club. It’s kind of cool, actually.
To be honest, my overall reaction is admiration. I’ve never really had the balls to do that, though I’ve wanted to. Right now, I’m in a good position. I have friends nearby, a pretty decent apartment that lets me keep my dog, I’m in a good relationship, and my job… well, okay, nothing’s perfect, but you get the idea. So I’m staying put for now, but I’ve really wanted to chuck it all to go make a difference before, and I’m sure that it’ll strike again. You’re actually going for it, and that’s damned cool.
Enh, I put most of my life on here (when it will fit, see last weekend for a counter example). You probably aren’t missing that much =)
I’m told that Greyhound transports bikes for (relatively) cheap if you’re travelling with them (and somewhat less cheap if you’re not). You just need to let them know in advance that you need a bike box (which’ll be really tiny and’ll require removal of tires and handlebars, so bring tools).
Hit the road Jack…
I have to say I was a’wondering when it would happen! 🙂 Been in one place a bit too long doncha think? Like you didn’t know you weren’t going to get a bit of abuse from me!
Are you completely insane? Course not – but it does seem like you are working a bit too hard to justify your decision…
“I don’t really care about my job” – Is the work front going to be much more stimulating there? I’d bet not – at least not for awhile. And the money certainly won’t go as far. Although on the upswing it does illustrate that you won’t be torn by having to leave a great job.
“I look at the crap I’ve collected over the years and feel trapped by it all.” – I’m sure that this particular problem is much more easily rectified by befriending your local Goodwill or Howard Brown equivalent rather than moving. 🙂
If you want to go because you love the area and feel the urge to exist somewhere different (and somewhere certainly with nicer weather) then by all means go for it! Instincts are given to us for a reason – and you have talked about moving there for quite some time now – so this isn’t exactly a crazy impulse. Just make sure you think the gory details through before cutting loose. (wink, wink)
And oh are you selling your laptop? 🙂
Re: Hit the road Jack…
You’re right, I mean, some of this does bear greater examination. Not that I’m changing my mind, of course.
“I don’t really care about my job” – Is the work front going to be much more stimulating there? I’d bet not – at least not for awhile. And the money certainly won’t go as far. Although on the upswing it does illustrate that you won’t be torn by having to leave a great job.
No, but bookstore owners, starbucks, etc, don’t expect much in the way of devotion to the job. =) In no small part, it’s a question of the expectations I’d have to put up with. I can sling coffee or sell books (though not flip burgers) in relative contentment for a time, if I have something else occupying me (volunteering for aclu, for instance). I sincerely doubt it will come to that, but if push comes to shove, I’ll do it.
“I look at the crap I’ve collected over the years and feel trapped by it all.” – I’m sure that this particular problem is much more easily rectified by befriending your local Goodwill or Howard Brown equivalent rather than moving. 🙂
True, true, though you know about my objections to religious institutions. But, I don’t want to get rid of it all permanently. I want to get rid of much of it permanently, and see how I fare without the rest. What I really need, etc.
Laptop will probably come with me. Not like the damn thing is worth crap at this point, anyway 😉
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
— Eleanor Roosevelt
Now…some suggestions:
Remember that both San Francisco and Berkeley are challenging terrain for bikes and blades alike. On the other hand, the exercise does wonders for one’s butt. Since most hostels have limited facilities at best for bike storage, invest in a good quality lock since you may have to end up locking your bike up on city streets.
Strongly consider a monthly MUNI pass, particularly if you end up staying in the City. The investment is well worth it if you can find space for it in your budget. Alternately, go for weekly passes if your transit reliance ebbs and flows over the course of a month. Monthly and weekly passes are also valid for BART and CalTrain within the City.
Moving out around now also opens up another possibility: campus housing. Some of the UC and CalState schools open up their on-campus housing during the summer as de facto hostels. Most of them have kitchen facilities and laundry on-site, and are more secure and comfortable than hostels. Since you’ll be on-campus, transportation is nearby, and you have access to things like job boards and housing exchange boards. Plus, you’ll be in an ideal spot to connect with social justice activists, volunteering opportunities, and the like. Libraries usually have net access too, so you don’t have to stay completely offline.
Cost of living can be quite high in the Bay Area. Your vegan diet will help save some dollars, since you won’t be buying high-ticket items like meat, dairy, or eggs. There’s a farmer’s market at least twice a week in San Francisco, and three times a week in Berkeley. The Mission or Chinatown also have good prices on produce, and there’s always the food banks if you’re really short on staples, although the vegan selection tends to be slim there. Berkeley is noticeably more veggie-friendly than SF is, particularly to people on a budget.
Rent a PO Box, either with USPS or a third-party provider. It’ll be more secure and easier to access, particularly if you’re moving around from place to place. Having a fixed address is important for employers. If the budget allows, get a phone service — it’s cheaper than getting a cell phone, and staying in hostels won’t allow for a landline. Ideally, go to a place that offers both mail and phone services, possibly with net access in the facility. Mailboxes Etc have some locations that do this.
Security and privacy are two big factors to consider when staying in hostels — both tend to be in short supply. Look into shared housing; craigslist.org is a good place to start. Ask around in the channel; there are any number of beneficent personalities who might be willing to help you out, with no sketchy strings attached.
Finally, shoot for the moon, as Les Brown wrote, even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.
Thanks for the advice, I’m sure much of it will be put to use.
Pittsburgh ain’t pretty for bikes either, but it doesn’t have hills nearly as steep as a couple that I went up in san fran. I think it’s going to have to be my bike, if I can swing it, though. I would go through skate brakes and/or wheels faster than Bush goes through the bill of rights.
I’d say go for it; provided that you have a plan B if this falls through. Are there friends you can stay with if all else fails?
I’d say go for it; provided that you have a plan B if this falls through. Are there friends you can stay with if all else fails?
Yeah, but I’d rather avoid feeling like a weasel mooch, if I can. Still, I will set my pride aside long before I set my well-being aside.
GO GO GO GO!
go now while you have the chance, and the wherewithal, and nothing to prevent you. go or you will regret it, if this speaks to you as strongly as I think it might.
I have friends in the greater bay area; if you need help you can call me (collect), email me, send a carrier pidgeon.
few people get to live out their desires, either because they are too afraid or because by the time they realize what their dreams are they are too bogged down in Life (see me, for example.)
*hugs* ben and I both love you dearly, and will worry some, but part of me is wearing a cheerleader outfit and jumping around, and part of me aches to have your freedom.
Thank you for the thought, and if push comes to shove, it’s good to know that there are people there to catch me should I fall.
But, on another note, I should see you, like evening of the 21st, over dinner. I’m going to be checking out MIT that afternoon, and heading south to join, greg and dan, to get some rest that evening, pre-bikeathon, but would love to see you in between if we can swing it.
In 1969 on the day after Christmas, at age 26,I woke to find myself once again buried deep in snow. During the hour that it took me to dig my way to my car and unbury it I had the opportunity to re-evaluate my life. By the time I slipped the key in the ignition switch to find a dead battery I had already made my decision. The next two years were the best years of my life and I still enjoy remembering those days even as I write. It was the hippie generation, love, peace, friendship, party and I wanted to be a part of it. Never a regret! I’d like to be able to say I had intentional goals of bettering myself and the world, but in reality I didn’t have a clue what I was getting into or why. I won’t say it was all wine and roses, but I expanded my world so much during this period and learned more about the people that I co-exist with on this planet. I met some wonderful people and a few freaks, I experienced the true meaning of living in an open society. What a great network of friends I aquired during that time and what joy we had learning from one another and in sharing in each others bounty. I had left a mundane job, a seat at the local bar, and a lot of bad relationships behind. In place of that I found endless opportunities for new friendships. I left Pittsburgh with $400.00 in my pocket, never worked the entire two years, and left New Orleans with $400.00 in my pocket and a thousand or so new friends. Through the combined efforts of our close group we never went hungry, always had clothes, and beads..he he… lots of beads. It was the first time I had the chance to live my life without obligations and believe me, it was a real eye opener. Go for it! You’ll have no regrets.
Intensions
We learn and grow through all our experiences, whether we intend to or not. Sounds like you did, at least =)
Go for it.
If you need a place to run to, my grandmother lives out in Berkely (as do many many cmu expatriates) There will be plenty of support for you once you get out there.
as far as crazy? it is only crazy if you don’t plan for the realities of the situation you will be getting into.
Know that if you need to/want to, you can always come back.
you can also never come back too. and we will still love you.
Thank you for the support. I hope I don’t need to impose on any friends, let alone less direct acquaintances, but I promise you that if it comes down to it, I will take that road.
Picking up and leaving isn’t something everyone can do. But of the people I know, you have the best chance of making it a positive experience. Everyone else has already given you very good advice (and even taken dibs on your couch. damn you laura! 🙂 ). Keep a journal, if you don’t already. This lj stuff isn’t what I’m talking about. Pen, paper, lap.
Yeah, I imagine lj (due to dvorak v qwerty things) won’t be as much of a possibility, though I’m sure I’ll still be updating regularly, just not quite as frequently.
I have bookshelves if you want those =)
Crazy?
No. Not in the least. Brave. Adventurous. Amazing. Those are the words the spring to my mind.
To me it sounds like you are living up to my favorite quote. The short version of which is:
I wish you well. Keep us posted on your happenings.‰
Re: Crazy?
Let’s hope that my genius, power and magic are sufficient to the challenges. 😉
I intend to stick around virtually, if not physically.