When [redacted] and I started dating, I said something pretty stupid. Well, I said alot of pretty stupid things, which is only natural for one has virtually no romantic experience. But one of the things I said was “well, we’re sleeping together, and we spend alot of time together, so I guess we’re boyfriends by observation.” This particularly peculiar and somewhat insensitive comment fell out of my mouth, because a) I really liked [redacted] and wanted to keep him around b) He had just asked me if we were boyfriends c) I didn’t feel ‘ready’ for that yet d) I was afraid he would go byebye if I said we weren’t.
Years later, when not on the spot, I came up with a much better, much simpler response. “Not yet”
The point is, what distinguishes a boyfriend from a friend? From a fbuddy? Since it matters so much to me to have someone there, what does it mean to have someone there?
I couldn’t & still can’t come up with good answers. A point to ponder. Hrm.
slippery language for slippery subjects
It’s all a matter of degree and definition, I guess. For me, a boyfriend is a friend that I happen to be dating at the moment. A fuckbuddy is a friend that I’m not dating, and that I’m having sex with frequently (or at least regularly). Definitions are highly personal and subjective things, so YMMV.
For me, the word boyfriend is appropriate when we have a shared expectation of time spend together. Put another way, I would call someone my boyfriend if I thought I should tell him about the timeslots this weekend when I was going things that did not involve him, as opposed to asking him about the timeslots when I wanted to do things that did involve him.
: )