Of late, I’ve been forcibly reminded that while I have a very broad aesthetic taste in men, it doesn’t coincide neatly with who I want to mess around with. And there are alot of older (less than 10 years, usually) guys that I think look great. But when it comes to making out, my interest rapidly wanes. With a few noteworthy exceptions. I think that alot of it is a maladaptive response. By which I mean, I have a reflex to jump someone’s bones, or go along with jumping their bones, if I think they look good. This reflex has served me ill on many occasions.
Talking with a certain friend of mine in California less than a year ago, I’d said that I wondered if we were used to responding to certain situations differently. In that case I was talking about stress. He’s a very athletic, outdoorsy, fellow, and, when wanting stimulation, and perhaps when under stress, he goes out and does athletic stuff, and may occasionally engage in risky rockclimbing behavior. That’s a theory, it’s not intended so much as a description of him, as a theoretical model for contrast. I have often taken the bonobo strategy: using sex as the preferred palliative for nearly all forms of distress. Which clearly creates problems all its own.
Feige had a lecture on a theme which she often repeated in my presence: “Yeah, he’s pretty. But there are also pretty paintings. I don’t want to fuck the paintings.” (something about me seems to encourage that sort of repetition of theme, see also
What does one do with aesthetically pleasing, but sexually unappealing people? (A very distinct class from the sexually appealing, but sexually unavailable people, though I can’t help seeng some bizarre connection). Enh, just food for thought.
For me, I have to say that physical attributes play a big part of attraction, but on very rare occasions I can be seduced (I prefer to be the seducer, or more PC, the person doing the convincing). Then there are those guys who meet some of the criteria but just set off some sort of Pavlovian signal inside my skull, and I find myself making out with them in front of the bar.
Uhm..well most people don’t fuck paintings either, museums frown on that sort of thing. 🙂 she could just say: “You don’t fuck people who don’t stimulate a sexual response”
Aesthetically pleasing men who are sexually unappealing. Maybe you should simplify: Attractive/Hot men who don’t turn you on. What do you do? Well you become friends, or you don’t.
Wait … and this is question to both of you — and maybe it’s just a matter of semantics — but when I use the word “hot/attractive”, I generally mean to say “let’s fuck/I’d fuck around with you”. If there is someone that is good looking but has zero personality, or has some horrible bedside manner … they instantly cease to become “hot/attractive” and become “meat/I’ll give you a call sometime”.
I guess I don’t understand where there “hot” but “not interested” come together … you mean like how I can identify women that I think are attractive but don’t want to have sex with them? I dunno, I think it would be hard to compare that with the same thing for men. You can see why other people are “attactive” to other people, but aren’t attracted to them … then do you really use the words “hot/attactive” when describing them?
Well, you’ll note in my original post I avoided the words “hot” and “attractive” to avoid ambiguity (well, more that there were other words which better expressed my intent, but it comes to the same thing). I think I conflate “pretty” and “attractive”, and thus the source of my conundrum. Trying to figure out the distinction without kissing every ambiguously attractive guy I think I can get away with kissing seems like a good idea.
Hm, so the situation is: there exists a class of men whom you recognize as visually appealing, but not in a sexual way, and you want to deal with them in a way that avoids your natural inclination to jump their bones. I’ll proceed with this assumption, so ignore me if I’m mistaken. =)
Why deal with them at all? Unless you have some common interests, it just seems awkward and pointless. “Hi, you have some physical characteristics that, while not necessarily my cup of tea, I’m told are culturally viewed as favorable. Mind if I take some artistic photos?”
Yet you’re getting something out of the nakedfun with these people even if it isn’t total sexual fulfillment. Might it be the ego boost of conquering prey that would be the envy of someone else? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but you shouldn’t have to tolerate sex outside your preferred type to be assured of your own hotness.
take pictures? 😉