Category: Uncategorized

Bodies and insecurity, oh yeah and yoga.

Oh yeah, and seeing guys with userpics like and not good for my body image. Like, at all. So very, very pretty. Even after the 8 years on the swim team, 2 hour practices, 5 days a week, summer and winter, I didn’t have a six pack. We won’t discuss how often I gorged myself at the Wendy’s & Rax all-you-can-eat thingies of the era. I was also only like 5 pounds heavier than I am now. No, I didn’t lift, or do situps, or pushups, or any of that.

I don’t think I want my body renovated in a major way. Less than 10 pounds more muscle for the upper body. Less than 5 pounds less fat (and that I’m actually iffy on. My bf% was on the high end of healthy the last time I remember getting it checked).

Not that my craving a six pack has anything to do with functionality.

I am so tremendously fucking uncentered these days. I think it’s time I actually _used_ that yoga mat. I wonder if my yoga manual in the stuff Jane shipped to me. I know the routine pretty well, but it’s still nice to have the book there since it’s been forever and a day since I’ve actually yoga’ed.

I should make a commitment to do that like 3 times a week, for as long as it takes to do it right. (2-3 hours, historically speaking). I’ve never had that level of commitment to it, but if I want to cultivate my inner peace I could do much worse.

I think I’m all about deciding what I want to be when I grow up at this point. I think that inner peace is the first and most important change necessary. But I don’t want to lose my quirky, chaotic charm. Hmmmm, peaceful chaos. A point to ponder. Bed time for me. (after I finish commenting on other journals 😉

Getting a real life

The funny thing is, it means different things to different people. I took bart & muni over to the castro with all the enthusiasm of a bull in mating season. I entered the bars with all the enthusiasm of a shy virgin with a headache. I mostly walked around a bit. I was cruised alot. Some muscle guy pinched my ass on the way out of “The Bar on Castro St” (what kind of a name is that, I ask you?). I was totally unwilling to say hi to anyone.

It’s great that I don’t smell like smoke. I’m very happy about that. It doesn’t make up for the fact that I didn’t enjoy entering any of these locations in the first place.

I’m quite grateful for the gentleman putting me up in his guest bed this evening. (I was starting to think I’d be sleeping in a park at one point. Apparently we had a miscommunication about which night I would be staying over, but all is well now).

I’m feeling my unemployment riding my back like a rabid monkey. At the same time, I have an overwhelming fear of another job like I had at motorola: unstimulating, with high expectations, and a craptastic work environment.

Bleh.

Still too much. 9 freaking screens of friends list to scroll back through. 9. I need to trim, but there are so many cool people out there. =(

I can’t give it all the attention I would like to, especially if I’m going to have a life of my own.

Bleh crappy laptop lost power without warning me, then dropped down to zero battery, again without warning me, and I had post ready. *kicks laptop*.

Anyway, I made up an alternate expansion for RIAA (with help on ‘R’ from Simon, the roomie) that strikes me as more accurate. =) I offered it forth on irc and recieved no comment, so I provide it to you to appreciate.

Rapacious Incestuous Avaricious Assholes.

I need to go out and get a real life. =)

So, life update

We have an apartment. Checks are cashed. Lease has been signed by Abram. Simon will be signing it today, and I should sign it sometime tomorrow. Aaron will get to it when he gets into town. Starts on the 16th. Northern edge of oakland along telegraph. No laundry, but otherwise ass-kicking. Two bathrooms, one for Abram to play with his hair, and another for to do likewise. =) Simon and I will have to take leaks in the sink, and use a hose for showers, but at least we need not worry about bloodshed among the beauty queens.

And it has low move-in cost. So I’m safe until october, with all my expenses (given the checks that are in the mail, heading this way).

Now all I have to do is find a job =)

I’ve been kinda a slacker about it. Complained to that my life is boring. He blames me. =) Probably justifiably so. Should endeavor to make it more interesting. Maybe go to local poetry readings, and do more exploration of the parks & stuff.

Had fun playing warcraft 3 last night with Simon and We cycled through 3v2 and 3v2v2 and 3v3v3 and 3v3 all against the computer. We won in 3v2[v2], but whenever the computer had us team for team, we got spanked. The undead really do kick ass, though against massed flying units, they’d have problems. I am learning the mysterious ways of the night elves, and really liking it. They don’t actually suck, I just didn’t know how to use them =) Moon wells are so very very right.