Category: Uncategorized

One of the key things I didn’t mention either in my talk with Simon, or in my post related to it, is that I’m not just sitting at home jerking off. I am working on developing some employment oriented skills, or at least, skills that would improve my employability. (see also my little contact info database thing, and it certainly has not stopped there). And finding that more rewarding, in the non-fiscal sense, than the computer vision work I’m doing. And, I’m thinking, it could lead to significantly more rewarding opportunities in the fiscal sense.

I would like to keep working for Ro, out of loyalty. I’m not sure how much I’m contributing, because, at the moment, I’m at a bit of a loss as to what to do next. We’ve hit a pretty major technical hurdle, and alot of it is dependent on a complex three-d rotation thingie (attempting to relate pixel coordinates to an absolute position and orientation in the outside world, no matter how the camera is moved, shaken, or rotated), that I neither took part it in the writing of, nor have the code for. (and how do you deal with dangling participles in such a ‘neither/nor’ case other than completely recomposing the thought? Dumb rule). And, while I enjoyed the three-d, least squares math quite a bit, it is a distinct minority of the project, and, by and large, long past.

It’s been interesting and educational to do the work in computer vision, but I think this project will mark the end of my involvement in this particular field.

So, Simon was pretty direct and asked me why I’m fucking my life up. You know, I have a job, I don’t work anywhere near the hours I could work on it, and if I did work those hours, I could pay the rent and then some with few worries. So why not “just stick your nose to the grindstone and put in the hours.” I empathised with his frustration. It’s a frustration I’ve felt. And he’s not the first person to say such things, by a long shot. I surround myself with eminently logical people, who point this out to me, repeatedly.

But I am not driven by logic. I know logic intimately, and I use it skillfully. But I cannot use logic to convince me to go where I feel no drive. It would have made total sense to finish out the year at motorola. It would be perfectly logical to keep doing what I’m doing for now, and hope Ro pulls out another contract (though still hedging my bets by looking for other work). Computer science is creative work, at least the way I do it. And if there is no emotion urging me to the work, it will not get done.

Nobody’s paying for omphaloskepsis these days. More’s the pity. I’d make a killing.

To Simon, my explanations (perhaps more detailed, perhaps less articulate than the one I just provided) sounded like excuses. And regardless of the articulation, maybe they are. Yeah, I’m hoping my parents help pull my fiscal bacon out of the fire. They probably can keep my head above water for a little while, job or no. And they’d probably be willing to. They can’t buy meaning or a sense of accomplishment for me (duh), and that sort of matters more at the moment (ask me again, if/when I become flat broke).

Ro would like to know whether or not he can rely on me to keep with the work we’re doing now. I’m currently giving it about as much as I have motivation to give. Ro is one of those supremely logical people. I’ve seen no sign that he speaks the right language to light a fire under my ass for the work we’re doing, if that’s even possible. and , each in their own way, speak the language. I’d hate to place the strain on either friendship that the inevitable frustrations of work would bring, but I think I might work better with one or the other of them than with Ro.

Then again, Ro is my longest running employer ever. My lengthy whatever of last night ended on a note of personal disappointment. I didn’t inject the obvious “but things are actually improving appreciably. Look at this, that, and the other thing.” Learning not to tack up the “it’s all okay, no gaping wounds here” in front of disfunctionality was a little goal I’d set for myself awhile ago. Disfunctionality happens, and should not be feared. No more than it should be nurtured.

I don’t think I’ll find further coherence tonight, and so until tomorrow, I bid you, rest well.

Final: B-
Paper: A-

Overall: B.

Yay =)

Better than I thought I did. Especially the paper. A little disappointed on the final, but the paper is more important anyway. I’ll be talking with him a little later about how I did in the class, particular recommendations he has, etc, etc. Will also ask for a recommendation. =)

*pats self on back*

Weighing things — alot of personal history — beware the scroll

No, I have not recieved an offer yet. The hr chick on the phone did sound interested & impressed, and their time frame is very short. This was very “end of the day on friday”, so we’ll see if anything shows up on monday. I am not betting on it. If I do get the offer and decide not to take the job, it won’t be because I fear I would spontaneously combust in Louisville, but because I think I could do better. That is all. =)

Well, secretary o’neill’s book sounds interesting…

http://www.livejournal.com/community/infojunkies/1112622.html?#cutid1

Let’s play the “how desperate am I?” game.

Let’s say an employer wants me to work in Louisville, KY, for 6months to a year, at $40/hour, 40 hours/week, doing perl with SQL/Sybase stuff. As a contractor (hence, that $40/hour has to cover both employer and employee portions of tax bits, and all insurance costs). Let’s say it were starting about a week from monday. How desperate am I?

legal trivia

And for the last in my series of short little posts before I start cleaning….

I actually realized for the first time today that my debt load is such that I’m spending more than half my rent in debt payments alone. I’m considering going to the credit counselors with the whole ‘ripping up the credit cards’ game, but I’m reluctant to do that if I’m not sure if I can afford my life without it. Of course, going deeper into debt is beyond dumb and into the realm of the massively fucking retarded. But I’m holding out hope of getting mo/bettah work soon. Gah.

The kicker is I could probably make progress on my debt if I busted my ass on work, but I am so completely undermotivated for work. And if/when it runs out, I’d really rather not be fucked without lube, which is pretty much how it would go, if my job hunt stopped so I could shove my nose to the grindstone. And, on the gripping hand, there’s no fucking way I could motivate myself to work 60-80 hours/week on this stuff so….

This post has been brought to you by the letters ‘f’, ‘u’, ‘c’, and ‘k’ and the set of negative integers.

And *poof*, like that, they’re all back. Well, sorta. Simon showed up wednesday, shannon showed up yesterday (and is going down to her mom’s in palo alto for a week and a half) along with Scott. Talked with Ro, he’s in abq, working on work stuff, he’ll be back on monday. I told him I got very little work done because I’ve been looking hardcore for another job. (well, as hardcore as I get about such things. I’d much rather hone my skills and hope someone stumbles across me than go out and sell what I already have. Guess, go ahead and guess, which one of these is more important in the jobhunt). He made no comment, but didn’t seem to get agitated. Which is good.

So, I was looking for my checkbook, noticed my new, shiny passport, is the same color as my checkbook cover. Then I decided to do my laundry, because, you know, maybe it’s hiding out underneath there. No joy. I decide it’s time to clean my room. Then I think “before we get all radical, where else might it be?” Voila, it turns out it’s in my bike’s saddle bags.

I’m still cleaning my room. =)