Category: Uncategorized

I’m taking it as a sign that I’m getting used to my new mac when I take my cursor to the bottom of the screen hoping to bring up the dock, only to realize that I’m actually on a windows box. I find this oddly cheering.

Ya know, for all my whiny-bitchness, it wasn’t so bad. Maybe that’s the local (or the percocet) talking.

There’s something very appropriate to working on one’s job applications as one is cleansing one’s bowels. My GAO app 2.0 is in and my transcripts re-faxed (for which additional thanks is due to .

provided transportation. I was a very chatty patient. I kept the nurses laughing. I spontaneously promised the dr that if I didn’t need all the valium, I wouldn’t sell the remainder. That sort of thing. This anesthetic experience was different from my wisdom teeth experience, when I was 17. That time, I was out cold, woke up in bed, and was very sluggish. This time, I felt like I was dreaming, I woke up on the way out of surgery (great timing, that), and seemed pretty with it. I pretty much picked up where I left off with the nurses. My butt being numb (yay local) helped. It’s starting to hurt some, and I’m sure it’ll hurt more later. The blood was a little alarming at first, but there’s only a little of it. Still, if any of you ever have butt surgery, do not wear white underwear.

I was told two weeks before heavy activity, thus two weeks of no gymnastics. And spring break is the third week. Le Sigh. Le Shrug.

In short, I’m still doing my thing, and all is well.

Skipping the planning association conference. Too expensive and not really what I want to be doing. Will head out to san fran again before too long, though. May just save the $$ by only going to pittsburgh (and any necessary interview flights) before the summer. Much is uncertain. We’ll see how it goes.

flight details

How many of you haven’t seen the aarp=anti-soldier, pro-gay marriage image? It’s being roundly trashed in my echo chamber, and in the first couple of hits on google, gotta wonder if anyone’s buying it. But I’ve been continually surprised by what doesn’t rebound on propagandists. I thought that ridiculous “latte-drinking” ad would have been a loser, but apparently not.

I’d like to see something similar as a simple graphical display of progressive values. And to be honest, it wouldn’t hurt to trash the regressives either. It’s all well and good to have the moral high ground, but turning the other cheek is not effective political strategy.

A few image ideas, on the pro-side: a black kid in a racially mixed classroom raising her hand, a latino doctor taking care of a chinese kid both smiling, a bustling commercial street mid day, some sweeping *pristine* natural vista, a graduation shot, a family sitting down together for dinner.

And on the anti-side: one abu ghraib image, a disabled person begging in the street, an injured/disabled soldier, a black cloud of smoke coming out of a car’s tailpipe, a congested highway, an elderly individual being evicted, some graphical depiction of excessive imprisonment, pink slips (fired/layed off), some old white guy behind a desk with stacks of money.

Obviously it needs some editing. There’s more than one way to frame some of it (old guy behind desk with stacks of money clearly points to a success of the revamping of SS, right?).

I’m a little nervous about the upcoming surgery, but far more upset at the lost time. I’m especially annoyed about the consequences for my land use & transportation class. Thursday evening, the time everyone else can do the study area inspection, I’ll be doing the home-prep-for-surgery/married-to-the-toilet plan. And friday is pretty much shot too. No idea what my recovery time is going to be like. I get the impression that I should be pretty much back to normal by wednesday, but still…

I mean I chose a friday to minimize the damage to class and everything else. Which is probably exactly what it’s doing. Minimum doesn’t mean 0. Grrr/sigh.

So, the much delayed report of the rest of my weekend.

Saturday morning, I got up early and joined the swim team. Saw a few people I recognized, noticed several other absent. I’ve noticed that when I finish swimming, I often feel a little cranky and dissatisfied. Contrasted with energized after aerobics machines, pleasantly sore after lifting, ZOOM (with joint pain) after gymnastics, and tired as hell after a multi-hour bike ride. *shrug*

Then off to the blind faith cafe. Alas, Kirsten’s friend never got back to me. Based on the adjustment of my earlier chicago plans, maybe he decided I was a flake. Or he could have been really busy, just lost interest, who knows? So, I ate alone, and that’s okay. Not sure the food was worth going out of my way, but so it goes.

Out to the suburbs to hang with and . I had the pleasure of ‘s company the night before. They dropped me off at the gigantic traffic morass that was the “Dear Friends” concert of music from final fantasy by whatever-his-name-was from. The music was good, and the occasional addition of graphical bits from the games added something. I didn’t find it worth the $60, really, but so it goes. I’m not a huge fan of orchestral music. The house was packed (seated 4,400). I was looking for costumes and didn’t see _any_ until on the way out I saw someone in a clearly homemade outfit that I think was supposed to be Sephiroth, but it’s hard to say really. Still, 1/4,400 does not constitute a trend. =)

Afterwards, I was hanging out with my ex-roommate, Stephen. It went pretty well. Then back to mpls in the morning. It was a fairly full day.

from the journal of

What’s particularly interesting to me about this are the tie scores: I supposedly belong as much to the democrats as to the anarchists (let me tell you sometime what I think of anarchy, it’s not complimentary), and also the republican party and fascism (pray, do distinguish the two for me based on recent presidential behavior).

the actual results

Completing today’s massively sex-themed posting spree,

The last (and only) time I’ve gotten naked with someone since my diagnosis, I was extraordinarily sensitive towards, and uncomfortable with, any flesh of his getting anywhere near my crack. A reverse jockstrap, or finally making use of the fly on one of my pairs of underwear has a new appeal. =)

You all know I don’t much like the current administration. But the current assault on Jeff Gannon for being a former escort, and have no doubt, that’s what it is, is so stupid. Prostitution was clearly forbidden in judeochristian whatevers. Gay male temple prostitution received special attention. I, for one, would like to see that particular prejudice put down. More than I want to see one of a multitude of Bush sycophants publicly embarrassed.

Just as porn star is just a job, so is escort. Both have sex for money (subtle legal distinctions aside). I don’t think this ought to disqualify one from the public trust or a future career.

If his journalistic integrity is less than stellar, attack that. No, it won’t sell so well, it won’t produce an enormous volume of tittilating browsing. But at least it’ll push in a better direction. Not that I’ll be heeded.

Infanticide and child molestation. I remember listening to CNN in the airport yesterday, when they described the recent band instructor who’s been accused of molesting his charges. Much like the Michael Jackson charges, some part of me just sighs and wonders why the hell this is on the news. I mean, I know why, it’s scary, it’s sex, and it deals with kids. I can’t imagine anything more engaging to the human hindbrain, particularly the American hindbrain. But I’m not horrified by it.

I was sexually assaulted by strangers a few times as a kid. I was also accused of rape by a kid I’d spent months fooling around with. He was a couple years younger than me. He started it, but I verbally pushed him to keep doing it. There was never any penetration, never any orgasm, never even masturbation. All this before I entered high school, some of it well before.

Am I just inured to the whole thing? I was pretty messed up by it; I’d like to think I’m much better now. I am scared to touch kids, particularly babies, just for fear of how it might look to someone. Anyone. And I want to adopt, or maybe bring someone bearing some of my genes, into the world. Heh. There’s a fucked up combination. Either way, I’d prefer a girl, just to make the sexual angle a nonissue for me.

[Then again, a couple weeks ago at a swim team brunch, one of my hosts’ very young adopted daughters announced she was going to give me a backrub. This created a small panic response in me. I could feel the blood draining from my face, I immediately turned my chair back to the wall, mumbled something like “no thank you”, and I tried to think of something that would put this determined young lady off her intended course of action without me losing it and responding way more vehemently than the circumstances warranted. I didn’t come up with anything. (in retrospect “No, don’t!” followed up with a potential grabbing of hands away from me might well have been appropriate). Fortunately, one of her dads told her (with firm parental gentleness) to leave me alone, and she complied. On the plus side, I’ve confirmed for myself that I’m not a pedophile, on the minus side, I should have handled it more gracefully.]

Maybe my indifference to it is the first stage of my involuntary icy-numb-shutting-down response. That may be the one time my brain stops its gyrations. I really don’t like it. It feels like some part of my brain gets trapped in a Liar-esque loop: Can’t take action, that would hurt. Can’t refrain from action, that would hurt.

Not a pretty situation. I guess I still have some work to do on that front.