{"id":52,"date":"2002-04-14T18:02:00","date_gmt":"2002-04-14T23:02:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/?p=52"},"modified":"2002-04-14T18:02:00","modified_gmt":"2002-04-14T23:02:00","slug":"need-for-camraderie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/?p=52","title":{"rendered":"need for camraderie"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><!--more whining about my loneliness, not unexpected after 9 hours on a train ;)--><\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Oh you can be anybody you want to be, you can love whomever you will,<br \/>\nyou can travel any country where your heart roams, and know that I<br \/>\nwill love you still.  You can live by yourself, you can gather friends<br \/>\naround, you can choose one special one.  And the only measure of your<br \/>\nwords and your deeds will be the love you leave behind when you&#8217;re<br \/>\ndone&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;If perchance I were sent to a distant hollow<br \/>\n Sweetest Love I ask,<br \/>\n With me should you follow?<\/p>\n<p> Would you close your eyes<br \/>\n And hold your breath,<br \/>\n Take a step into Tomorrow?<\/p>\n<p> Would you grasp my hand<br \/>\n And still my heart<br \/>\n Purge me of my Sorrow&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>-The Hopeful Appeal,  Minyoung Sohn <\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Love, Devotion, Feeling, Emotion<\/p>\n<p> Don&#8217;t be afraid to be weak<br \/>\n Don&#8217;t feel proud to be strong<br \/>\n Just look into your heart, my friend<br \/>\n That will be the return to yourself,<br \/>\n The return to innocence<\/p>\n<p> The return to innocence<\/p>\n<p> If you want then start to laugh<br \/>\n if you must then start to cry<br \/>\n Yourself don&#8217;t hate<br \/>\n Just believe in destiny<br \/>\n Don&#8217;t care what people say<br \/>\n Just follow your own way<br \/>\n Don&#8217;t give up and use the chance<br \/>\n To return to innocence.<\/p>\n<p> That&#8217;s not the beginning of the end<br \/>\n That&#8217;s the return to yourself<br \/>\n The return to innocence&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8212; The Return to Innocence<\/p>\n<p>I remember listening to this on a bus with my head pressed against the<br \/>\nwindow, looking out, on the way to cedar point at the end of my senior<br \/>\nyear of high school.  I was feeling, as andrew tobias might have put<br \/>\nit, &#8220;Cosmic&#8221;.  Lost, knowing that the familiar was falling away,<br \/>\nknowing that I&#8217;d already changed, and was going to change even more<br \/>\nsoon.  Fearful and hopeful.  But mostly lost.  And alone.  <\/p>\n<p>Sheesh, I must be obsessed or something, referring to <a href=\"http:\/\/virtualexile.livejournal.com\/\" class=\"lj-user\">virtualexile<\/a>&#8216;s journal so much, but setting that aside&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Monsieur Exile spoke of the damage done by unrealistic expectations,<br \/>\nparticularly of romantic relationships.  <\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I&#8217;m not the sort of person who falls in and quickly out of love, but<br \/>\nto you I gave my affection right from the start&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Those who know alot of my history without knowing alot of the workings<br \/>\nof my heart, might find it surprising that I consider myself deeply<br \/>\nromantic.  I&#8217;ve serenaded boyfriends with love songs, and recited<br \/>\npoetry on first dates.  I cook dinners for two on minimal provocation.<br \/>\nI&#8217;ve walked 20 minutes in the rain just to give a boyfriend company<br \/>\nfor a 10 minute walk to his place, then walked 30 minutes home.  I<br \/>\nonce spent half my savings to fly out to meet someone (big mistake, on<br \/>\nso many levels =).  I once saw a [really cute], total stranger, looking<br \/>\ntotally down in the dumps one thursday (I think) in september or<br \/>\noctober of 2000, while I was skating through the peace garden of<br \/>\nchicago&#8217;s north side lakeshore park.  I sat down next to him, started<br \/>\ntalking and ended up taking him on an impromptu date, my treat, to a<br \/>\nsemi-expensive restaurant not far away.  We had a blast, kissed<br \/>\ngoodnight (then I drove back to the burbs.)  I then angsted about<br \/>\nit for a month when I lost his number (and Randy, if ever read this,<br \/>\nsend me email or something =).  I my heart out 10 times a week.  Yet<br \/>\nit never seems to work out.  I&#8217;m pretty clear on the fact that I fall<br \/>\npretty hard pretty fast.  But I have alot of practice recovering from<br \/>\nthe thousand natural heartbreaks that I am heir to.  Maybe I&#8217;m looking<br \/>\nfor something other than love.  And from all the wrong people.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/spupeh.livejournal.com\/\" class=\"lj-user\">spupeh<\/a> talked about intimacy in a nonsexual<br \/>\nsense.  I think that like so many of us, I heap high expectations on<br \/>\nromantic relationships, and take what could otherwise be great<br \/>\nfriendships and turn them into failed romances.  <\/p>\n<p>I think the thing that is missing from Chris&#8217;s analysis of the issue<br \/>\nthough is the source of this nonsexual intimacy (be the relationships<br \/>\ncontaining them sexual or not).  I think it requires shared goals.<br \/>\nThat&#8217;s why priests and soldiers have it.  And gay men are losing it.<br \/>\nOur parades as a representation of the &#8220;out&#038;proud&#8221; contingent of our<br \/>\n[sub]culture have turned from &#8220;Notice Us&#8221; to &#8220;Notice Me&#8221; (and I admit<br \/>\nto some guilt on this score myself).<\/p>\n<p>This is pretty much what I found that I loved about the chorus.  The<br \/>\nshared goal of joint artistic expression.  Creation of something<br \/>\nbeautiful.  That was probably the biggest thing I miss from Chicago.<br \/>\nAnd something that visiting back here doesn&#8217;t really provide me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-52","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=52"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=52"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=52"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=52"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}