I’m 99.9% abstinent on non-nutritive\/non-medical\/non-sexual injesting\/inhaling\/injecting of shit into my body. And even that I’m restrictive on. Only occasional chocolate or alcohol (maybe 10 drinks spread out over the course of a year (on average, and it’s probably fewer. I had my first drink at age 23, and the frequency hasn’t been increasing), and the occasional green or oolong tea. No crystal, no cocaine, no heroin, no E, K, or G, no LSD, no shrooms, no weed, no tobacco, no aspirin, little caffeine, (also no meat, rare dairy, rare eggs, and I don’t even consume much honey anymore, but that’s kind of secondary). My only drug problem is a partially irrational phobia about them fucking up my life, which is kinda odd given that they’re completely inanimate. This should hardly be news to any of you, but it’s relevant to what I’m about to say.<\/p>\n
This started off in the morning with a class on harm reduction. The entire concept here being to work with people who are a little less puritanical than I to minimize the risk of damage from their activities. In particular we focused on heroin users. (I didn’t even know you could inject speed. Hell, I didn’t even know that speed wasn’t cocaine. it was rather an eye-opener for me). And I was thinking during this training that the word “enabling” might be another term for some of this stuff. I could probably do a needle exchange without significant moral qualms. Most of the people served by this are going to be injecting either way, we just help them not contribute to the spread of hiv\/hepatitis\/etc. Arguably, the social support that could be construed from such activities could be enabling, but I think that’s relatively insignificant compared to the rest of their lives. The other factor to consider is whether by reducing or eliminating the risks associated with shooting up, we are making it seem less dangerous to start. That is the only concern I take seriously. Once you start, the availability of clean needles seems less likely to be a determining factor in whether you’ll continue to inject.<\/p>\n
The presentation had a very workshoppy, DIY, collaborative feel to it. Several of my co-trainees have alot more drug experience than I. It was immensely educational.<\/p>\n
I support giving clean needles to junkies, and making condoms available anonymously in schools. Not because I think either shooting up or sex among high school students ought to be encouraged, but because the relatively small encouragement this might give to people to engage in these risky behaviors is vastly overwhelmed by the harm that this would prevent both to the individual risk takers, and to the broader community. (Nel gives something to Rich who gives something to Darren who gives something to you. If Nel never got it, that whole chain gets stopped. Nel, Rich, Darren, and you are all better off).<\/p>\n
I know that some of my subscribers did the twelve steps, and the worked beautifully for them. I’m glad it worked for you, and I wish you the best of luck. What I’m about to say is rather critical of 12 step programs. I’m synthesizing from my perceptions, this isn’t all surface level stuff. Nor did I get deeper through personal experience (which I’ll cover a second later in this post) You have been warned. <\/p>\n
Our second speaker was an AA ‘graduate’. And he did alot of talking about the process of hitting bottom and recovery. I felt alot of it was very repetetive, and very dogmatic. Kind of cult-like, in fact. I think he did explicitly refer to harm reduction as enabling. (if you’re not part of the solution, then you’re part of the precipitate). <\/p>\n
And I do think that 12 step programs are cults. One of the most benign\/benevolent sets of cults in existence, but still cults. You are expected to make sacrifice of some sort to join the cult. The guiding structure comes not from the constituents, but from a set of rules and dogma that make up a program you must follow. The structure is given to you, you are not merely not expected to color outside the lines, you are required to not do so. I was told that if you are able to pull yourself out of whatever mess you’re in, then you’re not an addict\/alcoholic\/sexual compulsive\/whatever. Without regard to how difficult it is for you to pull yourself out. They conveniently redefine terminology, such that if you made it without AA or the like, then you never really had a problem, thus making it the only solution that works “if you have a problem.”<\/p>\n
Apparently some 12 step programs, after getting you to admit that you have a problem you are powerless over, a problem which you “need the help of a higher power to solve,” will throw you out on your ass if you relapse even once to the behavior which brought you there in the first place. (Though they also make the point that switching drugs is just ‘changing seats on the titanic’, an opinion which they apparently hold even about methadone, which, according to the harm reduction class calms the addictive need, but doesn’t provide the high). <\/p>\n
Hello, my name is Stephen, and I have a problem. Or at least I did. I still have problems. And the particular problem is still among them. But it’s not as powerful a force as it once was. I speak of sexual compulsivity. <\/p>\n
I’ve had sex with alot of guys. I haven’t set any records at all in the gay community. Not by a long shot. I’ve picked drunk guys up off the street, had sex in public bathrooms, gone down on a barely legal guy a few years younger than me in a locker room hot tub, I’ve had sex with people whose names I never knew, I’ve lost count of the number of sexual partners I’ve had. I even had unprotected anal sex with near strangers, 2 or 3 times. Physical healthwise, I’ve been relatively lucky about it all (honestly, my odds of having hiv probably never broke 1%, but still…). The worst I’ve had is a couple of rounds of scabies. Psychologically, it’s hard to separate cause and effect. There were alot of feelings of worthlessness, of being out of control, not really enjoying what I was doing, loneliness, and guilt. It’s hard to understand let alone explain the mental dynamic that kept me going on like this. That’s why the phrase “sexual compulsive” exists. A two word summary of a great complexity of meaning. <\/p>\n
I’m much better than I was. My relationship with Josh, the help of a few good shrinks, alot of work on my part, and many wonderful friends all helped me get where I am now. I don’t think there’s a final destination on this journey for me, and I still have alot farther that I want to go. <\/p>\n
During my time in Chicago, I, along with my roommate at the time, developed a curiosity about sexual compulsives anonymous. I was skeptical based on the steps, particularly the belief that a higher power would be the one to haul my bacon out of the fire. So I went to a meeting. They allowed new people to observe, and not participate, if that was what we wanted. It was in boystown, close to the belmont L station. I sat down in the back of the room, which was filled with 25-40 people, mostly guys in what looked to be their 30’s, 40’s & 50’s. And I remember one fairly representative guy getting up and talking about adding a new thing he wouldn’t do to the ‘B’s of his life, “Bars, Bathhouses, and now Bally’s” (got a chuckle from the crowd, there’s a very cruisy Bally’s from what I’d heard, not far from there). <\/p>\n
And my thought was “Okay, so he’s cutting out his health club. He can get a home gym, sure, but where’s he going to get his social contact?” He wasn’t talking about what he wanted to do with his future, he was all about his guilt, about what he had done, and didn’t want to do again. And I had, and still do have, a vision of where I want to go with my future. And that ain’t it. <\/p>\n
Most of the “Whatever Anonymous”es see abstinence as the goal. No more drinking, smoking, gambling, whatever, even one puts you on the road back to hell. Sexual Compulsives Anonymous has a different goal (if it didn’t, it be on a lonely road. But even so, there are other ones like Overeater’s Anonymous that provide even more dramatic examples. The solution is clearly not to stop eating). The goal is to stop “acting out” sexually. <\/p>\n
Both plans can be done well, and both can suck. Big shock. Both programs focus on the externalities. “Use a clean filter to stop the abcess you’ll get in your arm from particles in your junk\/have some clean needles so you don’t get hiv” or “quit using drugs, they’ll fuck up your life”.<\/p>\n
I believe that whether you believe it’s a higher power or little voices in your head, the decisions you make are ultimately made by you. Some decisions aren’t much of a decision (will I eat or starve, hmmm, let me think about that one). Some are dramatic conflicts such as between incredible sensation, and personal safety and health. It’s not our place to draw that line for others. Even the others we care deeply about, even the others we deeply want to see safe, secure, and happy. And it’s sure as hell not our place to draw that line for people who’s lives we aren’t at all invested in.<\/p>\n
I believe that people who are making irrational decisions are also capable of making other rational decisions. I believe that sometimes people think what they’re doing is rational, even if we don’t; and sometimes people do things that they readily admit are bad ideas. Sometimes people don’t know any better, and we can help them by showing them.<\/p>\n
The only time it makes any sense to intervene is when people are making decisions that they aren’t comfortable with. And even then, how we intervene makes a world of difference. Understanding how the person with the problem sees the problem (the giant abcess on their arm is clearly a problem, but that doesn’t mean that heroin use is a problem in their mind, then again, it may be the wake up call they need). Some of us respond best to a firm hand from outside to guide us on our way. Some of us resist outside authority, and need to find our own way. <\/p>\n
Sometimes people get in over their heads. We can’t save everyone, and there won’t always be someone there to save us. <\/p>\n
My ‘program’ is it were, is to treat junkies of whatever stripe as humans worthy of respect (which they are, you know) and let them\/help them figure out what it is they need and want with compassion, tolerance, and open-ness. Now let’s all gather round and sing Kumbaya.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I’m 99.9% abstinent on non-nutritive\/non-medical\/non-sexual injesting\/inhaling\/injecting of shit into my body. And even that I’m restrictive on. Only occasional chocolate or alcohol (maybe 10 drinks spread out over the course of a year (on average, and it’s probably fewer. I had my first drink at age 23, and the frequency hasn’t been increasing), and the … Continue reading “12-steppin it to harm reduction”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-294","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/294","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=294"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/294\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=294"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=294"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=294"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}