When Scott left for Germany, he left a thing or two for me. I mean, yeah, he gave me his bed (queen size!). And a torch lamp. And a desk lamp. And a skirt for the bed. And a phone and answering machine (not that I have a land line). And there’s a power strip and additional comforter waiting for me at his coop. But strangely, that’s not what I’m thinking about. I swear he didn’t mention it before he left. Really. I don’t remember it at all. I don’t think I forgot it. He left a card and a bar of (very nice, organic, vegan, fair trade) chocolate. <\/p>\n
It took me a couple days to notice. It was underneath the condom baggie. The card was full of praise and thanks and expressions of endearment. (though noteworthily absent were praise for my memory and my keen attunement to my surroundings; he’s no fool. =)<\/p>\n
I can’t bring myself to eat the chocolate. It’s kind of silly. I mean, it’s not the nutritional content or anything; I know that one bar of chocolate will neither make nor break me. I don’t feel like I deserve it. Or his effusive praise. Who am I to receive such generosity? The practical side of me can encompass the practical gifts, be thankful, and not dwell on it. But the chocolate is a little thing, a touch of pure thoughtfulness. And I can’t quite bring myself to eat it. Because then it’ll be gone. <\/p>\n
I get blindsided by my emotions sometimes. And I think this is one of them. But I don’t want to forget and move on. It’s still silly. But it’s still there. I like to remember when things touch me more deeply than I expect.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
When Scott left for Germany, he left a thing or two for me. I mean, yeah, he gave me his bed (queen size!). And a torch lamp. And a desk lamp. And a skirt for the bed. And a phone and answering machine (not that I have a land line). And there’s a power strip … Continue reading “Feelings of not deserving … love and chocolate”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1514","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1514","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1514"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1514\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1514"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1514"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1514"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}