I guess I work pretty hard at my life. I’m embroiled in a few causes, albeit none too deeply, and not at all exclusively for any of them, but I lend a hand here and there. <\/p>\n
I study hard, and learn what I can. I still skip my homework more often than I ought, but, I tend to judge that according to what I think I’ll get out of doing it. <\/p>\n
My heart may not be in the work, but I don’t think I’m the office slacker I sometimes feel like I am. I’ve done my fair share of late nights in the office that weren’t simply web browsing. <\/p>\n
I actively seek out romantic connection. That I’ve spent most of my out life single anyway is a testimony to my own highly specific tastes, impatience with a sedate dating pace, fear and distrust of strangers, and less than ideal hunting grounds. <\/p>\n
So, days like the past 24ish hours are rare for me. <\/p>\n
Last night I watched “A Chorus Line”. I’ve been meaning to get around to it for awhile, but oh well. It wasn’t as good as I’d hoped or expected. I wasn’t experiencing the urge to claw my eyes out, like with “Saturday Night Fever”, but it was fairly boring. The dancing was good, and I liked it; there were a few parts in particular that were really cool, but still and all, it left me feeling unfulfilled. <\/p>\n
When I saw it as a kid, it was, unsurprisingly, Paul, the gay hispanic character who couldn’t talk about himself in front of others, and had a story to tell about being myopic, and pawed by older guys in a movie theatre, that caught my attention (didn’t hurt that he’s fairly cute, too), but that story line was pretty flat for me this time. Still, there were a couple of elements that stood out to me. <\/p>\n
Both of them were related to the Cassie character (dancing chick who shows up latest). She talks about her need for work, and is very clear that she needs work<\/i>, not money. Her passionate quest for purpose touched me, and struck me as tremendously right. The second was the lyrics in a song she sings as she’s heading up the stairs at the side of the stage. More or less, she says “I did it all for love”. I kept waiting for her to say “I did it all for you<\/i>“. But she never does. <\/p>\n
And it occurs to me that its an immature presentation of love as something in and of itself, rather than an ephemeral construct that is meaningful only in the context of a pair to be bonded. Love, like gravity, only occurs when there are two bodies to be drawn together. Looking for love is actually pretty dumb. What you’re really looking for is someone to<\/i> love. But you’re not looking at them, you’re looking at the space between the two of you, and love needs attention to the individual, not the ‘relationship’. Or, if you prefer, real attention to a relationship is attention to the other person(s) involved. <\/p>\n
Then this morning, I generally slept in and fucked around (figuratively). Started my laundry, got a haircut (yay being buzzed again. No need to worry about bedhead), went out and ordered panniers. Probably should have gotten them online & saved myself a few bucks. Oh well. <\/p>\n
I ran\/jogged most of the way from Mud, Sweat & Gear at (roughly) murray & hobart, to the start of the pride parade, near walnut & aiken (which involves some uphill, and one massive downhill on negley, but I’m still kinda a wimp for not running the whole way). I marched with the ACLU. It was amusing, but not terribly exciting. I ran into all sorts of people I haven’t talked to in forever. Scott, who I was once interested in, and entangled with a (to my current mind, much cooler) third party, losing both, unsurprisingly (I have an amazing talent, for, shortly after finding one guy, finding another, and playing one against the other, pissing them both off to the point where they won’t talk to me. I don’t recommend trying this at home, or anywhere really, it’s a dumb thing to do), Bruce, Dan who once dated radi0actv<\/a> and is a sweet heart, Doug Baker and friend (new boyfriend?), Craig, a number of guys who wouldn’t give me the time of day, a number of guys I wouldn’t give the time of day, and this guy (who was marching with the aclu), who reminds me of a friend, and briefly a neighbor in chicago, who got cancer, and whom, I fear though I do not know, is either no longer among the living, or in pain and about to leave the living. I started to experience the unstructured-time-in-a-crowd boredom-panic that gets to me at times, and oft leads to me acting zany, or, as in this case, go home in a funk. I never could pick up at pride, or in a club, but on the way out, a dyke friend of mine gave me some flavored condoms saying she thought I’d have more use for them than she \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n Went home, napped and snacked. Went over to the phillips house, (aka my second home, my first home, the Frathouse, or H.O.G.G., depending on who I’m talking to =) Spent some time catching up with Brian, then watched “Run, Lola, Run”. I really liked it. Not terribly heavy on plot, and didn’t provoke the same philosophical bent that “A Chorus Line” did, but its visual impressiveness, combined with its novel structure, (very “Choose Your Own Adventure” style) both piqued my interest. And I really liked the music.<\/p>\n It actually made me think of Mage: The Ascension. Perhaps the only rpg I could ever imagine Josh being interested in. Low on ‘boring rules’ and high on elitism \ud83d\ude09 The Matrix also pushed the same concept for me, prior to the aftermath of the pill scene at least. The basic idea being that reality as we understand it is not reality, at least not the fundamental reality. And there are people who understand the fundamental reality, and can percieve and manipulate the apparent reality through that understand. Symbols, tools, and rituals are just teaching aids for those who don’t really get it, and unnecessary focal points for those who do. <\/p>\n But what makes the idea uniquely interesting to me is the conflict inherent in someone who is supernaturally capable in some regard, in love with someone who is not so gifted and prone to getting into trouble. Yeah, yeah, the idea is an old one. Lois Lane, anyone? But in this case, the powers are subtler, and the holder of the power is humanly vulnerable physically as well as emotionally. It could also take on a slightly darker tint of control with prescience and\/or telepathy involved. <\/p>\n I always fell in love with character ideas, but never did terribly well with the actual playing of them. I am too prone to a) hamming it up b) slipping into bored sulks, to be a great gamer =)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I guess I work pretty hard at my life. I’m embroiled in a few causes, albeit none too deeply, and not at all exclusively for any of them, but I lend a hand here and there. I study hard, and learn what I can. I still skip my homework more often than I ought, but, … Continue reading “A break”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-145","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=145"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=145"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=145"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cheerfulchaotic.crazycrew.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=145"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}